Judge — November 9, 1918 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a = | ; | OCKERS What He Should Have Thought— A barber, after scraping away industri- ously for a few moments, made the usual inquiry: “Razor all right, sir?” “My good man, if you hadn’t men- tioned it I should never have known there was a razor on my face.”* The barber beamed. Thank you, sir,” he said. No,” added the customer, reflectively, “T should have thought you were using a file."—Roller Monthly. Heroic Impulse—Algernon (excit- edly)—Oh, Miss Deering, half an hour ago I was just a minute too late to assist in rescuing a man from drowning! The crowd formed a human chain and—— Alice (interrupting)—You were the missing link?—Buffalo Express. The Nothing-to-Say Bore—W illie— Paw, what is an after-dinner speaker? Paw—An after-dinner speaker is who gets up and announces that he has nothing to say and then goes ahead and says it for two hours, my son.—Cincin- nati Enquirer. Left to His Fate—Wife—John, there's a burglar downstairs. He's in the pantry eating my pie. Hub (drowsily)—Well, I’m not going to get up this time o’ night to give him dyspepsia tablets—Boston Tran- script. Whoops! My Dear ANOTHER LITTLE PEACE, - ANOTHER LITTLE peace, ANOTHER LITTLE Peace, WOULONY 20 US Any Songs Before Sunset.”"—London Evening News. To the Point—Subbubs was helping load up the van, as they were moving, When a very grimy old junkman came along. Is there anything you don’t need that I might take?” asked the grimy one. “Yes,” snapped Subbubs, “a bath.” — Boston Transcript. Wasted Energy—Professor Phineas Shark, the eminent statistician and math- ematician, who writes ex department, estimates that between now and May 1, 1010, the average bowler, lifting, lugging and throwing bowling balls three nights a week, will expend energy equivalent to carrying 34567 cords of wood 304 miles and piling it up. —Detroit News. Yank-ed! DOCTORS Blind = Inference—Doctor—Themas, did Mrs. Popjoy get the medicine I ordered yesterday? Thomas—I believe so, I see all the blinds down this morning.—Docter’s Leisure Hour, Fate—His wife had followed him across. to be a Red Cross nurse. During a bit of German strafing he fell wounded and woke up several hours later in a field hospital. His wife was bending over him. “ Ain’t that just my luck, Jenn) he mur- mured. “With all the pretty nurses there are over here to look after the sol- diers I had to draw you."—Reedy's Maga- cine. A Friend Indeed—Doctor—I don’t think it is anything very serious, but you will have to stay in bed at least two weeks Patient—Say, doctor, do you know I am paying $4 a day for this room? Doctor—Yes, I am a friend of the pro- prictor.—Hotel Gazette. Down, Hoover, Down! Have a heart for your poor epiglottis, Don’t crowd down your victuals, for what is More sad than the sight Of a wind-pipe plugged tight When the food fails to see where the slot is.—The ratomy. At Last—Pullman Passenger—Well, Rastus, I hear that Uncle Sam is now in charge of your sleeping-car. Porter—Yes, sah; Ah knew sooner or later he was going to get this here berth-control.—Chicago Medical Re- corder Medical Term—“You must isolate the patient.” “All right, Doctor; where shall we put the ice?”—Baltimore Ameri- can, Not Mincing Matters—Dr. Jephson of Leamington was noted for being brusque and unceremonious. <A great London lady, a high and mighty leader of society, who had been taken suddenly ill, sent for him. Jephson was so offhand with her grace that she turned on him angrily and asked: “Do you know to whom you are speaking?” “Oh, yes,” replied Dr. Jephson quietly, “to an old woman with the stomach- ache.”"—Doctor’s Leisure Hour. comicbooks.com