Judge — November 9, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

After the Bombardment poo cess wee - WHEEZES Inquire Within—A vaudeville per- former who used to tour the English provinces with a flock of trained ducks found managers no longer willing to book his show. After he had been “resting” for some time, he received a telegram asking him to open on the following Monday at a variety theater in the north of England. In reply he wired: “Regret cannot come. Have eaten my troupe.”—London Tit-Bits Room for 'Em—“There are a great many tiers in this jail.” “Yes, and there ought to be another kind.” “What is that?” “Profiteers.” —Baltimore American. Got Out of It—“TI don’t believe in putting off till tomorrow what you can do today.” “Pay me that ten dollars, then.” he rule doesn’t apply; that’s some- thing I can’t do today.”—Boston Tran- script. Wanted a Likeness—‘“This photo- graph doesn’t latter you, my dear.” ‘L'il have to pass up the flattery this time. It’s for a passpor Kansas City Journal. Another—The man arose from his seat and quietly walked over and closed the window. “Another draft evader,” said an on- looker.—Detroit Free Press. A Model—* That ladies’ tailor neither smokes, drinks, swears, nor chews.” “Well, a ladies’ tailor has to be a man of good habits.”—Baltimore American, Snap—‘An easy job will suit me.” “How about winding the clocks every week?” “T might make that do. But what's the matter with tearing the leaves off the calendars every month?’ Le Rire (Paris) Lisp or Lump It—“ The Government has even cut down conversation at teas.” “What do you mean?” “Why, you can’t even ask a guest ‘How many lumps do you take?’” Baltimore American. All He Could Get—‘ And so you sacrificed your good name and every- thing for a paltry dollar?” asked the preacher. Sure!” replied the village tough: “That was all the fellow had!” —Yonkers Statesman. | THE SEX oo saracnummas Knew the Wife—Veust—How are you feeling this morning? Crimsonbeak—Rocky. But say, when I woke up this morning I found money in three pockets. “Oh, then you didn’t go home last night?”"—Yonkers Statesman. A Slap on Maud—Edith—So you think Maud has become quite econom- ical? Madge—Yes; didn’t you notice how she economized on the number of candles she put on her birthday cake?—Boston Transcript. How She Voted—An amusing inci- dent is related in connection with the recent primary election in Potsdam, N. Y An enrolled Democratic woman voter desired to mark her ballot for Secretary of State Francis M. Hugo, but as his name did not appear she decided to write it in. She accordingly wrote the name of “Victor Hugo.” After leaving the polling place sh began to have some misgivings and cided to tell a friend. Upon learning that she had voted for a dead author instead of a real live secretary of state the fair voter became greatly distressed and returned to rectify the error, but the inspectors informed her that she could not vote over ag: Albany Journal. ‘The German Prisoners Ich, Ah! Mls sont embétés les Frangais, il “Hah! These French are in a mess. They do: (Paris). plus ow nous fourrer!” know where to put us."—La Vi ne sa . comicbooks.com