Judge — November 9, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| ADe | MATRIMONY| For Revenue Only—“ With all your debts you have the assurance to ask for the hand of my daughter? What are you thinking of?” “My debts.” —Boston Transcript. Second Choice—Suitor (to the only daughter of a very wealthy widow)—Dear Grete, will you be mine? Grete—Oh, I—I—do not know Pray speak to mother first Suitor—But unfortunately she has refused =me.—Transatlantic Tales Applicable—"‘Jimson made awfully funny mistake by g out a dog permit for a marriage license.” “Not so much of a mistake, I guess. If he marries that woman, she'll lead him a do; “ Baltimore American. The Trouble I admit that I should like to marry.” “Well, why don’t you? you find a wife?” “Oh, yes, but no suitable father- in-law.""—Boston Transcript. Can't Profiteering—“ Wives are sold in the Fiji Islands for five dollars each.” “Ugh.” hame, isn’t it?” Yep,” growled the grouchy Ci bachelor, “more profiteering.” — Kansas City Journal. A Sudden Suspicion—“ Fred, do you remember where you were in 1910?” asked the bride of a few months. “Why, no, dear, I don’t remember exactly,” replied the young husband. “Why do you as! “Why, I was reading today in the paper that it said that in 1910 one person in every 800 in the United States was in prison.”—Roller Monthly. the dust settles. Over the Prunes—*1 was a fool when I married you.” “Everybody matched we were.” remarked how — well Boston Transcript. Frenzied Frippery—" Marry in haste “And drive the dressmaker cra terposed one who was working ¢ ately on a rush order for a trousseau Louisville Courier-Journal A Sweeping Assertion NONCE rm Henet ants Dear Old Lady—So you're on a mine-sweeper, are you? where you do sweep autious Tar—Oh. just round ops of ‘em, -The Tatler (L So you wish to the proud The Upper Class marry my daughter,” sai parent. “Yes, sir,” replied the young man. “How much money are you making?” | asked the governor. “Forty dollars a week,” was the reply. “Forty dollars a week! Why my daughter can make that in a munitions plant and not work overtime.”—Detroit Free Press. 3 where [MONEY | Unless—There is no capitalistic press in Florida unless it be over at Moorc Haven, where an editor claims to own two suits of clothes.—Lakewood (Fla Telegram. Generous—Diner—L say, waiter, I've dropped a quarter somewhere about this place. If you find it let me have it back; if you don’t you can keep it. Boston Transcript. Perpetual Motion—Far be it from us to hurl any damp blanket at the habitual maximists, but a man from Rolling Stone, Mont. gathered a Chicago widow's $10,000 the other day and rolled on.— Buffalo News. How It Looked to Him—A man who had been called up for medical examination had curi- ously defective eyesight. At times he could see fairly well, and at others he was so blind that he had to have a friend to guide him. On the day of the examina- tion he arrived on the arm of his friend. Several ordinary tests for the eyesight were tried in vain, and at last the doctor, growing exas- perated, seized a large empty metal garbage can lid and asked “Can you see that?” “Yes,” came the reply. “Well, what is it?” “Half a dollar!” —London Tit-Bits. And Wanted a Square Deal—* Just thought of that V you loaned me three years ago, old man. Here it is, and a thousand thanks.” “Hold on! Two dollars and thirty cents more, if you please. A dollar is worth only fifty-four cents compared with what it was when you got the loan.” —Boston Transcript. comicbooks.com