Judge — October 19, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| YOUNGSTERS | Nothing Left—‘What did your father say when he broke his pipe, Walter?” “Shall I leave out the wicked words, mother?” “Why, certainly, dear.” “Then I don’t believe there is any- thing to tell you, mother.”"—Harper's Magazine. Holding Her Age—Ruth, six, was much interested in the visitor who en- gaged her in conversation. “Have you any children?” the child inquired “Oh, yes; [have three.” “How old are they?” “One is nine and one is eleven and one is fourteen.” “How much is nine and eleven?” Nine and eleven are twenty.” And how much is fourteen more?” Twenty and fourteen would be thirty-four. Gazing in admiration at the pretty face of the visitor, Ruth exclaimed: “Well, nobody to look at you would imagine you had been married thirty- four years.”—Youngstown Telegram. His Mother's Accomplishment— Theodore, aged four, was visiting relatives in the country. He stood watching his aunt preparing to light the kitchen fire, and observing his interest, she inquired if his mother too burned wood. “No,” he answered, dejectedly, “she don’t burn wood.” Then his eyes lighted up and he added, triumphantly, “ But she burns the dinner sometimes!”"— Harper's Magazine. Apologia Pro Vita Sua—On John- ny’s first day at school he was given registration card on which his mother was to write his birth record. The following day he arrived tardy and without the registration slip. “Johnny,” said the teacher, “you must bring an excuse for being tardy, and don’t forget the slip about when you were born.” All out of breath next day Johnny rushed in holding a note from his mother. “Teacher,” he gasped, “I brought the one about being tardy, but I forgot my excuse for being born.”—St. Louis Post- Despatch. The Effect of Environment—A spinster in a certain city was a most no- table hor per, and the immaculate neatness and order pervading every room Applied Movie Science We'll have ther office as we go out here one can still Der Brammer tive knows every give aS his address at th nt glass of beer. erland) had made a deep impression upon her small but observant niece. One day the little girl returned home after a tea party at Auntie’s and in an awed tone said: “Mother, I saw a fly in Auntie’s house, but ter a second’s thought, “it was washing itself.""—Harper’s Magazin His Big Bertha—Ofice Boy (to vaitress)—Miss, bring me something with onions in it, please—I got a half- holiday the last time I ate them for lunch.—London Tit-Bits. | sour | Paid in Full—Caddie—I got the ball we lost this morning, sir—got it from a small boy Golfer—Good! What did you give him for it? Caddie—A_ biff on the jaw.—Boston Transcript. Sull Ahead—First Clergyman (who is beating the other badly at golf)—Never mind, Martin. You wait till you are say ing the burial service over my grave Second “Clergyman—But, my good fel- low, even then it will be your hole!” — Harper's Magazine Opie’s Explanation—Opic Read was playing a three-handed match with two other players named Sterrett and Adams. Read sliced his drive and the ball went into an abandoned quarry, where he descended after it. Presently the two waiting outside heard a series of whacks, and after a bit out comes the ball with Read in hot pursuit. “How many shots in the quarry? asked Adams. “Three,” said Read. Adams turned to Sterrett and they both laughed. “Why,” said he, “Bill and I heard six plainly “IT know,” said Read, “but three of them were echoes.”—Boston Tran- seri pt Overweighted “That old gentleman who moves along so slowly "s got a long st the Sealing Wax Department. they've just made him an M.U ‘oor old chap! i His honors are evidently breaking his back.”—Passing Drivel Dudd, Permanent Head of of letters after his name, and now ow (London). comicbooks.com — ~~ --