Judge — October 19, 1918 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> xe A Clincher PEACE Unfair—" He took an unfair « tage of me by indulging in personalities.” “What's the matter? Did he call you harsh names?” “Worse than that. I could have de- fended myself if he had called me a horse thief or a wife beater. But he chose deliberately to hit at me where I was defenseless.” What could he have said about you?” “He referred to the fact that I was once a pacifist.” —Detroit Free Press. A Compromise a la Hun—Secretary Daniels said at a dinner in Washington: he Germans are already beaten, and we must not listen to their pacifist talk about a compromise peace. “Compromise! Compromise makes me think of the story of Calhoun Cla “Cal said to Washington White one since I got religion I guv it up. ast night, tho, in Peter Smith’s shoe-store I seen a pair of cowhide boots jest my size, No. 14, and the devil he says to me, “Take 'em, take 'em,” but the Lord says, ‘No, let ‘em alone; it’s stealin’.” “*You bet, Wash, I was tempted. I sure wanted them boots. Mine was all busted out at the back and sides. Yep, me and the devil both said, “Take 'em.” The Lord said, “No, it’s stealin’”; but there was a majority of two to one agin’ the Lord. And just then Mr. Peter Smith went inside, and there was my chance. ‘The devil said, fake ’em quick now and skedaddle.” I knowed 1 could take ‘em and stick ‘em under my coat and get right away without nobody ever knowin’. But bress the Lord! Bress the Lord! Bress the Lord, I stood the tempta- tion, Wash. I compromised, and took a pair of low shoes.’ —Detroit Free Press. A Convincing Correspondent m'enooyais Bpare des notes. J'en prépare ma nourelle machine a écrire.” “Perhaps if you would send me a few notes “Yes, Iam getting some ready on my new writing machine."—Petit Blew (Paris). } BORES | emmreecem sane! Strategy—"Let us cut across the street.” “What's the matter?” “I see an acquaintance coming who was in London during a Zeppelin raid. I haven't time this morning to hear him tell about “Leave him to me. I'll introduce him to a man who was on board a neutral steamer when it was torpedoed by a sub- marine.”"—Kennebee Journ She Knew Him—* You won't object if I go on with my knitting while we talk, will you, Mr. Boreleigh? I always think that one should keep one’s mind occu pied." —Boston Transcript. Justifying Himself—** Another agent? I really can’t see you.” “Then it’s lucky I called. I represent Dr. Wombat, the eminent optician.”— Kansas City Journal. JOURNALISM ‘The Proper Diagnosis—“ You misled me about that story of young Swift,” complained the cub reporter. “You stated that he died of auto-intoxication, and here I find that he was killed trying to L a train to the crossing in his super-six.”” “Well, ain’t I right? cynical informant.—Ginger. snapped the Cheered Him Up—Caller—I sent you a poem about three wecks ago. What have you done with it? Editor—I'm holding it ery little while lately I get to thinking that we are not getting out as good a paper as we ought, and then I take that poem and see how much worse the sheet might be, and that makes me cheerful a Say, how much'll you take for it?—Bos- ton Transcript. No Pleasing Some People—This town has all the modern improvements, but they are in no shape to do anyone any good. The swimming pool has no water in it, the town clock has no hands, and the jail has a hole in it.—Butler Democrat. A Wish—Martin Blake became the daddy of a boy yesterday and it tickled him so he came in and paid what he owed us on subscription. We wish it had been twins.—Wardsville (Neb.) Times. comicbooks.com