Judge — October 12, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| WORDS | Hard on the Object—“ My teacher gave me an awful call-down because I used inter for intern. Was that such a bad mistake, pop?” “Well, I would call it a grave sort of mistake.”"—Baltimore American. Heavy—“My daughter is going to Professor Wombat, the eminent pianist.” “ How’s his touch?” “Pretty strong. Four dollars a les. son.""—Kansas City Journal. His Tuneful Message—Included among the passengers on board a ship crossing the Atlantic recently was a man who stuttered. One day he went up to the captain of the ship to speak to him. “S-s-s-s-s-s,"" stuttered the man, “Oh, I can’t be bothered,” said the captain, angrily; ‘go to somebody else.”” The man tried to speak to everybody on board the ship, but none could wait to hear what he had to say. At last he came to the captain again “Look here,” said the captain, “I can tell you what to do when you want to say anything; you should sing it.” Then suddenly, in a tragic voice, the man com- menced to sing:— “ Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, The blooming cook's fell overboard, and is twenty miles behind.”—London Tit-Bits. An Acquired Tongue—Mrs. Much— What dreadful language your parrot uses! Mrs. Nothing—Yes, my husband bought the bird one day and brought it home in his car, and I have always sus- pected that he had engine trouble during the journey.—Pearson’s Weekly. He Couldn't Spell It—In the spelling list for a class in a certain Indianapolis school were the words singing and singe- ing. The class was asked to write sen- tences using these words to show that they knew the correct meaning of each. One little fellow, Robert, wrote: “The Italians are a singing nation.” “The Allies will soon be singcing the beard of the kaiser.” With sideward glances he watched his teacher mark his paper, and timidly asked: “Ts it all right?” “Yes,” she said, “but the kaiser has no beard; he has a mustache.” “TI know, I know, but I wanted 100 on my paper, and I couldn’t spell mus- tache.”—Indiana polis News. The Dough-Boy it—a salient feature of the war. - Bystander (London). Contradictory — “There are some queer ways about building operations.” “How do you mean?” “When a man wants to expand his building for business reasons he calls in a contractor.” —Baltimore American. Made Safe for Democracy—M istress ~You say the last family you worked for were Germans? Maid (apologetically)—Yes'm, but they were sterilized when war broke out.— Christian Register. renee ON | t j AVIAT weer ai A Regular Bird Man—“I suppose when you have been flying for a year or so it becomes second nature?” “Rather! Why, I’m getting so used to it that I often feel a craving for worms and bird seed.”—London Tit-Bits. Unique—"I hear she’s going to marry a famous aviator.” “Yes. First time a queen ever took an ace.”—Detroit Free Press. How She Loves Him—“She interested in that aviator.” “That is hardly the word for it.” 02” seems “She says she loves the very air he flies throug Birmingham Age-Herald. His Explanation—Cynic—So your airship was wrecked in the blizzard. 1 thought you considered it perfect. “The ship was perfect,” replied the inventor stiffly. “The air was at fault.” —Philadelphia Inquirer. Shop Talk—Wife—Did you kill that y, dear? Aviator Husband—No, but I drove him down in a badly damaged condition.— Boston Transcript. Something Fise Again—“'I hear you earning to fly.” , I am merely studying it.”— Pearson's Weekly. Gentlemen of the Road iy be: See’ Ne En ont-ils une ocine ces canards détre que huit dans le compartiment! Pretty soft for those horses—only eight of them in a whole car!—La Baionnette (Paris). comicbooks.com