Judge — October 12, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Grounded in Military Channels till haven't for- cannon?"—Le Rire “MARRIAGE | Wanted a Change—“ Why are you so gloomy?” “They tell me I'm too old to enlist,” replied Mr. Cumrox. “I kind of thought I'd like to have somebody bossing me around besides mother and the girls.” —Washington Star. Her Malady—Mrs. de Brute—While I was at the reception for the Rajah of Putputchoochoo this afternoon I had the queerest pain in my hip. De Brute—Probably touch of hypnotism ou have a little inger. Never Met Any—“Are you fond of dumb animals?” “Never met any,” replied Mr. Grow- cher. “All the pets my wife ever had made some kind of a noise.” —Washing- ton Star. His Suggestion—Mrs. Justwed —You must not expect me to give up my girl- ys all at once, dear. That’s all right; goon taking an allowance from your father just as if nothing had happened.—Boston Tran- script. A Real Helpmeet—“ The young phy- sician says that his bride, although she can’t cook, is a real helpmeet to him.” “Yes; I understand that all his friends who dine with them become his patients.” —Buffalo Express. | HELP Obeyed Instructions—Mrs. Blank sent ber new and very green maid out to buy some peaches. N Mary, be sure that they are ripe,” she warned. “You'd better pinch one or two before buying them In a little while the maid returned, and after handing her mistress the bag of peaches, she took two others out of her pocket, saying: “And here are the ones I pinched, as you told me, mum.”"—Bos- ton Transcript. A Rotten Impression instead of grinning like a fool? Karl—Did you help me get the mud off when I fell in the Piave?—Bystander (Lon- don) The Applicant—‘ Familiar with the queried the manager of the applicant for the typist’s berth.” “Quite,” was her reply; “father kept a hardware store.”— Pearson's (London). use of files?” A Rescue Worth M the seashore) —Why with the hotel help? Hub—I may get a chance to rescue a cook to take home with us.—Boston Transcript. aking—Wife (at do you always bathe System—IVillis—Bump’s office is run absolutely on system. Gillis—Indeed ? Willis—Yes, they tell me there is even a recess of ten minutes each day for the clerks to borrow money from one an- other.—St. Louis Republic. een BOOBS Flatly Impossible — “Yes,” said Simpkins, “I want to do my bit, of course, so I thought I'd raise some potatoes.” “Well, L thought I would do that too,” said Smith, “but when I looked up the way to do it I found that potatoes have to be planted in hills, and our yard is perfectly tlat."—Pittsburgh Chronicle- Telegraph. Untucky—“I'm always unlucky.” “What's the matter now?” “That's the second time today I’ve had my teeth loosened by being slapped in the back by some enthusiastic stranger who thought I was somebody he knew.” Detroit Free Press Mamma’s Boy—The Fag—Oh, I'd go to war quick enough, but mother wouldn't like me to; and I've never disappointed her since the day I was born The Snag—Wel, if she was hoping for a daughter, I’m sure you've done your best to console her.— Sidney Bulletin Misinformed—“ You've ‘eard of Cle- opatra, ain't yer, Jack?” Jack (referring to ship of that na Yes, I was out in China with 'er in‘ “The dooce yer was! Then she ain't been dead so long as I thought.”"—Pear- son’s Weekly. ne)— What Has Become of Hindenburg? “Chut! I est mort de furoneulose . . «; n Ca fait empailler pour le croie toujours la!” mais, que le pub “Ssh! He died of apoplexy; but, you see, we've had him stuffed so the public will still believe he is still there.”—Le Rire (Paris). comicbooks.com