Judge — October 5, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LAWYERS Lawyer—Are you aware, you contemplate is Of Course sir, that what illegal? Client—Certainly. What do you sup- pose I came to consult you for?—Boston Transcript. Humor From the Bench—During the cross-examination of the witness by Mr. Hume-Williams a juror asked the learned counsel to speak more loudly Mr. Hume-Williams replied that he was purposely speaking in a low tone, other- wise there would be an echo and he would hear his own voice twice. Mr, Justice Darling—Some years ago a person in that dock, who was sentenced to seven years penal servitude, collapsed because he heard the echo and thought he had got fourteen years.—London Times. When Experts Disagree—The con- versation turned to the subject of dam- age-suits, and this anecdote was recalled by Senator George Sutherland, of Utah. A man in a Western town was hurt in a railroad accident, and after being con- fined to his home for several weeks he appeared on the street walking with the aid of crutches. “Hello, old fellow,” greeted an ac- quaintance, rushing up to shake his hand. “T am certainly glad to see you around again.” “Thanks,” responded the injured one. “Tam glad to be around again.”” “T see you are hanging fast to your crutches,” observed the acquaintance. “Can't you do without them?” “My doctor says I can,” answered the injured party, “but my lawyer says I can't.” —Philadelphia Telegraph. — 4 FOOD | Pretty Soft for Him—A “Pittsburgh farmer” spoiled a day for us by selling us h ve been Youngs- a cantaloup that might casil mistaken for a bath sponge. town Telegram. Time's Changes—“Sce here, sir, we can’t get any of your waiters to take our orde “Beg pardon, sir, but in view of the present shortage of help our waiters no longer take orders. They receive re- quests.”—Baltimore American. But the Game Isn't Over Yet,Chancellor! Vox Heatuixc—Belgi@ houden wij als cuistpand. Von Hertling—We hold Belgium as a pawn.—De Amsterdammer. A Culinary Hint—In making a sugar- less gooseberry pie, it is advisable to leave out the gooseberries, too.—Kansas City Star. Treat ‘Em Rough—Sign in a Tono- pah restaurant: “Use only one lump of sugar in your coffee. Stir like hell, for we don’t mind the noise.”—St, Louis Globe-Democrat. LIARS | Exaggerated Report—Richard—He said he gave you a black eye Robert—He's a liar. 1 had the eye al- ready. He merely laid on the color.— London Tit-Bits, The Real Thing—Customer—You say this hair-restorer is very good, do you? Druggist—Yes, sir; I know a man who took the cork out of a bottle of- this stuff with his teeth, and he had a mustache next day — Druggist’s Revie Her Only Request—The lady was complaining to the milkman of the. attenuated nature of the lactic fluid with which he was in the habit of sup- plying her. “Well, mum explained the milk- man, “the co you see, don’t get enough grass feed this time of the year. Why, them cows are just as sorry about it as Iam. I often see ‘em cryin’—regular cryin’, mum—be- cause they feel as how their milk don’t do ‘em credit, mum. Would you be- lieve it, mum?” “Believe it! Oh, yes. Unfortunately, there is too much material evidence to want to dispute it,”’ responded the cus- tomer; “but I wish, in future, you'd see the poor intelligent creatures don’t drop their tears into our can."—New Zion Record. Souvenirs—Wholesale Mistress—Why, Mary, what's happened to your hair? ; ; Mary—Another draft has just gone to France, mum, and I've had to give a lock of my hair to one or two of the boys.—London Opinion. comicbooks.com