Judge — October 5, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| MATRIMONY His Big Chance—He was a_profes- sional conjurer. “Now, ladies and gentlemen,” he said, with a wave of the hand, “this is the magic cabinet. I invite a lady in the audience to enter this cabinet. I will then close the door, and when it shall be opened again the lady will have disap- peared, leaving no trace.” There was an impressive silence until a little, undersized man in the second row turned to an enormous woman, who sat by him, and breathed eagerly: “Maria, dear, won’t you oblige the gentleman London Tit-Bits. Reverse Action—Lawyer—Are married? Lady Witness—No; I'm unmarried. Lawyer—What judge unmarried you? —Indianapolis Star. you A Gossiping Lot—“I can't get my wife to pay her bills by check.” “Why not?” “She says she isn’t going to have those horrid bank people know what every- thing costs her.""—Boston Transcript. Look Before You Leap— Agitated Old Gent—Quick! My daughter is drown- ing. Save her and she shall be your wife. Blasé Person—Wait till a wave rolls her over; I want to see her face.—Boston Transcript. And Yet He'd Go Back Gladly “Ca alors, Von, ¢'était au cinéma.” Cost oraiment frayant! Oui qu't'as ou ca, d Verdun?” odness me, how dreadful! Where did you see that, at Verdun?” ‘o, at the movies.” Before and After—“Parks s was first attracted by his wife’s voice. “And now he is distracted by it.” Boston Transcript. Like a Boxing Exhibition—“ Their parties are always so interesting.” “Yes. You can always depend upon some married couple they invite staging one of their little family rows for the benefit of the guests.”—Detroit Free Press. So It Goes—“It must be great to be married to a man who is earning $10,000 a year.” “There's always a drawback, girlie. A man in that grade seldom hands his wife his pay envelope.’—Kansas City Journal. —La Baionnette (Paris). The Fireless Heater Paris est largement approvisionné de bois; ct le bois est trés supérieur comme calorique au charbon si on prend Vhabitude de le monter soi-méme de la cave. Paris is mainly using wood as fuel;_and, indeed, its heating qualities are superior to those of coal if you make a practice of carry- ing it up yourself. —L'Illustration (Paris). A Meatless Day Triumph “Mélanie! Mélanie! Une grenouille!” “Melanie! Melanie! Look, a frog!"—Le Rire (F WOR Ds | Learning English—A Texan boy over there” has a French sweetheart and this is one of her letters to Sammy, vouched for and authentic: “This day I am a few more contented because i see the trail of your photos. You are well? Me much joyful of make your portrait (she is an artist) but me to have photo de you in fifteen days. This is very long. You to be much fatigue, my cherie. Ito pity you of whole my heart, my darling. You to be very prudent—no not expose your life. I am very much of impatient of read an letter of you. Much of kiss. Colorado (Tex.) Record. Cost of Knowledge—Mrs. Smith Really, Mr. Giles, your prices are getting exorbitant. Farmer Giles—Well, mum, this way: When a chap ‘as to know the botanical name of what ’e grows, an’ the zoological name of the hinsect wot eats it, an’ the chemical name of wot kills the hinsect, someone’s got to pay for it!— London Passing Show. “The Well of English, Undefiled.”” My Mother Tongue is quite boorje-wah— One sees it at a glance, And so I pad her, here and there, With that which gives a cultured air— A word or two from France. My Mother Tongue is quite nah-eve Of this take cognizance, And to be ton, be re-sherche-shay, By adding to your speech each day, That word or two from France. J. S.A. in N.Y. Evening Sun. Probably Both — Geezer — Wheezer has published a joke book under the title of “Society Badinage.” Sneezer—Where does he place the accent, on the “bad” or the “age’’? London Every Week. comicbooks.com