Judge — October 5, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

aes BAD BREAKS Pigs Is Pigs—A prosecuting attorney, not so discreet as he might have been in engaged the expression of his ideas, on a case concerning some pigs. “Gentlemen of the jury,” he began, “there were twenty-four pigs in the drove, just twenty-four; exactly twice as many as there are in your jury-box.”"— London Tit-Bits “A general election cannot be far off. We have appealed to the HEADS and the HEARTS of our mem- bers in vain. Let us now appeal to their seats.”—Dundee (Scotland) Courier. A Low Appeal Why They Were There—The gov- ernor of the prison was escorting a party visitors through the building They entered a room where three women were busy sewing. As they turned to , one of the visitors sai “What vicious-looking creatures! What are they for? They really look capable of committing almost any crime.” “Well,” slowly: replied the governor, “you sec, they have no other home. This is my private sitting-room, and they are my wife and two daughters.”—Pearson’s Weekly. lei A Quick Finish—“The passengers had just finished BREAKFAST, and it was a beautiful summer EVENING.” —Glasgow (Scotland) Herald. A Dark Moment—The millionaire, whose wife had recently died, walked through the general office to his private room. While so doing something caught his eye, and he called the manager. “Wilson, I am very glad to see you sympathize with me in my recent loss by decorating the office with a little crape, he said, pointing in the direction of a black piece of cloth hanging on the wall. The manager looked dumbfounded. “Crape, sir! Crape snot crape; it’s the office-boy’s towel.”"—Casket Com- mentary. Out of Sight—“ Constable Tighe said he read the charge over to them when arrested. . . . Replying to the Chair- man, the constable said he meant to say he READ IT FROM MEMORY.” —IJrish (Dub- lin) Independent. A Cruel Distinction—“Good Home offered lady who would help another cooking. Soldier’s wife or married lady preferred.” —The (London) Lady. Speeding Him Up was discussing the war with your He said he hoped the fighting would I know he’s very much opposed to ements." —Sydney Bulletin All in Vain—“We both have sot- DIER’S VEINS IN OUR BLOOD.” —Lloyd's (London) News. | IRISHISMS A Warning—Casey (on retiring)— Whativer ye do, Norah, don’t let me ove slape in the mornin’. If ye don’t wake yourself,, wake me, anyhow.—Boston Transcript. According to Specifications—Pat was the man who did all the odd jobs about the place, and owing to petty thieving his boss instructed him to get him a good yard-dog. Pat was out all the day, and in the evening landed home with a dachshund. “What on earth is this you've brought along, Pat?” queried the boss. “Well, sir,” says Pat, “he’s the nearest I could get to a yard—he’s 3 feet 6 inches long.” —London Tit-Bits. Mathematics—Pat—This is the foist time inny of these corporations hev done innything to binnefit the workingman. Mike—How is that, Pat? Pat—It_ is this siven-cint fare. I hev bin walkin’ to and from me work and savin’ tin cints, and now I kin save fourteen cints.—Philadel phia Bulletin. Love's Largesse Lady Vere de Vere—Why does the fishdealer in Hi a pound less than you do? Fishmonger (nervously)—I dunno, my lady—mine’s t unless, 0° course, ‘e’s took a fancy to ye.—London Op: gh Street let me have turbot for a penny usual price (suddenly brightening), comicbooks.com