Judge — October 5, 1918 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A French Humorist Discovers the Flivver Pas la peine, passe dessous ‘an't make it. One “What's the use? Slide MERE MAN weree wecn ene od Mostly Knocks—It isn’t a hus- band’s disinclination to listen to his wife’s conversation, but that “I-am- ready-to-bear-with-you” expression with which he does it that grates on her nerves so. No doubt a man figures that a woman $ such a small portion of what he ay, that if he didn’t “lay it on k” to begin with there wouldn’t be ything left of it The man who spends his time sitting on a nail-keg at the grocery store ranks asa producer along with the hen that sits on a door knob, except that she is honest in her intentions. When a man is dining at home and asks his better-half why she fried the ice cream, it is a sign that he is in a bad humor. Sometimes being married to a man means merely seeing him in the mornings, instead of in the evenings. The average city man seems to imagine that planting a garden is a sort of cross between playing a game of golf and digging for fishing worms. Before marriage a man thinks his girl ought to have wings. After mar- riage he makes an awful howl because of their price when the millinery bill comes in. When a man mects trouble half way he has a poor companion for the rest of his journey.—Roller Monthly. I have to back. ler, slide und Wifely Superiority—* Dubwaite is the kind of man who thinks great respon- sibilities rest on his shoulders.” “So I've observed.” “But Mrs. Dubwaite is the kind of woman who thinks nothing ever rests on Dubwaite’s shoulders that she couldn't brush off with the palm of her hand.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. Propheteering “Do you know, Mr. Meyer, that the war will be over in one month?” “Really?” “But there is no telling which one that will be.""—Der Brummer (Berne). —— j WHEEZES An Obstinate Baby—Newpop—vV' my dear, did the photographer succeed in making the baby look pleasant? Mrs. Newpop—No; the baby succeeded in making the photographer look un- pleasant.—Boston Transcript. Stand Pat—" You used to insist that the world was getting better.” “‘T haven't changed my mind,” replied the philosopher. “The fact that it is a fine old world is what made the Hohen zollerns ambitious to take personal possession of it.” —Washington Star. Black Eyes—“ They say,’’ remarked the moralizer, “that aggressive and im- pulsive people usually have black eyes.” “That's right,” rejoined the demo izer. “If they are not born with them they manage to acquire them later.”— Indiana polis Star. Equality—“ Things which are equal to the same things are equal to each other.” “I realize that when two scan- dal-mongers get together.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Teacher's Boomerang—Professor X, who at time rather blunt in speech. remarked angrily to his class at the be- ginning of a lesson: “I don’t know why it is—every time I get up to speak some fool talks.” ‘Then he wondered why the boys broke into a roar of laughter.—Boston Tran- script Casually—She father yet? He—Ves—er—I said “ Good evening,” when I passed him in the hall. Have you spoken to That Vague Feeling—“Did you ever have the feeling that you have met a person before and perhaps had an un- pleasant experience in the dim past?” “T often have that feeling in hiring a cook.” —Kansas City Journal. Fitted—The tailor called to collect a bill from the struggling author. “T will be able to meet my every obli- gation just as soon as I finish this new y entitled, ‘The Tale from a Skip- ’ said the author. “Tfitis at all the nature of an autobiog- raphy, I think you had better call it ‘The Skip from a Tailor,’” replied the tailor recalling the difficulty he had in locating the author.—Roller Monthly. comicbooks.com