Judge — September 28, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HUNS Much Over-Rated—Attila the Hun was a piker—a poor, doddering, inefli- cient, tender-hearted old fuss-budget. We have learned that during the last four years. No pep. Noscience. No poison gas. How did Weyler earn the terrific repu- tation that he had in 1898? He was a quiet, law-abiding, carpet-slippered old Spanish genth n, and as harmless as a bowl of bread and milk. What did he know of brutality? Villa, dead or alive, used to pose as some pumpkins in the realm of polite butchery. Where did he get that stuff? He was only a movie crook. Nero got away with a lot of notoriety in his time as a first-class, all-around blackleg, but he was only an amateur. For further particulars address W. Hohenzollern, 1313 Main Street, Pots- dam.—Richmond Times-Des patch. Getting By—So-called German effi- ciency finds more than its equal in Ameri- can ingenuity. When American prison- ers, who are placed in the various forts throughout Germany, seek to write rela- tives or friends in their native country, their messages must undergo the rigid inspection of the “efficient” German censor, who often believes that he is per- mitting only “good news” to pass through. Real descriptions of the situa- tion are effaced. A son of a wealthy Philadelphian, who has been captured, recently sent word home that conditions on the whole were very satisfactory and American prisoners were being treated well—but that he would much rather be back in Laurel Hill. The young man’s parents were able to understand his meaning, as Laurel Hill is a cemetery not far from home. Splen- did treatment?—Wall Street Journal. Only Peace For Germany—“Ger- many,” said Senator Thomas, “talks a lot of arrogant nonsense about her peace, the German peace, but in the end there will be only one peace for Germany and that is the peace of defeat. “To Germany the peace table looks beautifully spread with colonies and indemnities and Atlantic ports, but in the end she will be like the man who said to his guest: “Will you have a little of this cold al, Of—— “Here the man looked round the table hurriedly, ‘—or not?’”—Detrott Free Press. His Ailment The Tatler “My old man ‘ad a bit ¢ and ’e was took very que he ‘ope ‘ea this “ere Bolshevism.” n). His View—“ I'm sick and tired of hear- ing about German efticiency.” “What's on your mind now.” “T was just thinking that if we'd been preparing forty years for war and couldn’t do a better job of it than the Huns we'd be ashamed of ourselves.”"— Detroit Free Press. ART | Get Rid of Them—“Ourcoinsare not as artistic in appearance as they used to be.” “Perhaps not. But you're not sup- posed to keep them about you so long”’— Washington Star. The Real Artist—“It’s a pity, John, that none of our sons-in-law is an artist.”” n the artist: I support the whole —Der Brummer (Zurich), Swit- bunch zerland, Her Loss—The great mystery play was just about to start, when the heroine rushed into the manager’s office. “What shall I do?” she cried. “‘Some- thing awful has happened! My dresser has fled with the jewels I’m to wear tonight.”” “What’s gone?” asked the manager, very sternly. “Oh,” cried the heroine, distressedly, “the diamond tiara, the ruby necklace, and all the diamond rings and gold bracelets!” The manager ftowned and pondered. “You must pay for this!” he said. “You were responsible for the jewel chest. I shall deduct two-and-nine pence from your week’s salary.”"—London Tit- Bits. Her Position Assured Mrs. Newly Rich—Are you quite certain I've had the very latest form of influenza Doctor—Quite, Madam. You coughed exactly like the Countess of Wessex.—London Punch. comicbooks.com i t