Judge — September 28, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

2 | ea A Word of Cheer * Dé péche-toi de guérir, Fri ous avons d prendre Paris, Londres, Rome et New York.” “Hustle up and get well, Fritz; we still have to take Paris, London, Rome and New York.” La Victoire (Paris). [ DARKIES Where He Is Expert—"So you've joined the army, Mose?” “Yes, sah.” What branch of the service are you in “Well, sah, Ah’s in de infantry, but when we gits t’ France Ah’se done asked de capatin to put me on dat night-raid wo'k. Gittin’ into de odder fellow’s back yard durin’ de night hours is a job dat Ah considers mahse’f particularly experi- enced at.”—Detroit Free Press. Segregation of Color—Jef Vallerby (a peevish loser, during the poker game)— Seems to me you-all spends a lot ob time stackin’ up dem chips ob youahs, Pete. Tryin’ to delay de game? Pete Potter—No, suh, Am’h not. Ah’m simply segregatin’ de whites. Buffalo Express Natural Theologian—Bishop Flipper in an Atlanta address attacked bigotry. “But, dear friend he ended, “the best setback the bigot ever got was at the hands of old Cal Cla “Cal was asked one day by a mission- ary what denomination he belonged to, the old fellow’s reply was this: “*Bress ye, sah, dah’s fo’ roads leadin fom hyah ter town—de long road, de hill road, de sho’ road, and de swamp road— but when Ah goes ter town wid er load er grain dey don’t say ter me, “Uncle Cal- , houn, which road did yo’ come in by?” but “Cal, is yo’ wheat good?’”—Pitts- burg Chronicle-Telegraph We Get You, Sam—“ Hello, Sam, in uniform, eh? I thought you were work- ing.” “IT was, sah, but dey decided I was in one o’ dem non-sensical occupations.” — Boston Transcript Should Auld Acquaintance Mumsy’s got a headache? mustn’t call Mother old, I don’t mean that you're really d, but that I've known you a long time!- | THE SEX She Agrees—" My dear, you will have to check this passion of yours for shop- ” said the husband UU right, dear. Just give me the "—Baltimore Sun Discrimination—“ I sce they are try- ing to limit debate in the Senate.” “ Yes just as the women show signs of breaking in.” Louisville Courier-Journal. A Pocket Searcher—Bacon—And is your wife quick at everything? bert—Well, not everything. When she’s getting into her own clothes she’s not, but when she’s going through mine she is.—Yonkers Statesman. Helping Some—Husband—Have you done your best to economize this month, Mary, as I requested. Wife (brightly) —Oh, yes; I spoke to the grocer, the butcher and the landlord, and got them to put off sending in their bills till next month—Stray Stortes. Both Wrong—Mary (to jeweler)— Would you please settle an argument for me? This is my engagement ring. My young man says it’s pronounced “turkwahs,” and I said it was “turk- woys.”” What do you say, sir? Jeweler—I'm afraid you're both wrong. The correct pronunciation is “glass!”"— London Tit-Bits. Knew the Woman—The Optimist— Say, she’s sweet enough to cat, isn’t she? The Pessimist—But even if you ate her, I'll bet she wouldn’t agree with you.— Yonkers Statesman. The Difference—“I sce a lot of girls are wearing overalls and working in am- munition factories.”” “Yes.” “They look just like the men.” “Not exactly. You'll notice most of them continue to wear silk stockings and high-heeled shoes.—Detroit Free Press. Not Exactly Perfect—Mrs. Flat- bush—I consider her a perfect lady. Mrs. Bensonhurst—Well, I don’t “Why not?” “Well, for one thing, her hair is not her own.”’— Yonkers Statesman. Shucks! She Knew—Stella—An offi- cer has to know how to handle men. Stella—Huh! I know how to do that myself.—New York Sun. comicbooks.com