Judge — September 7, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEEZES | Stage Nature—“ What's the matter, scene shifter?” “Well, sir, these mountains move easy enough, but th here clouds are too heavy to budge.”"— Philadelphia Bulletin. Free Ride—“I was carried away with that book you lent me.” “On the author's train of thought, I suppose.”—Boston Transcript What They're Putting Up—“ Any building going on in this town?” “No, mister. All we're putting up nowadays is arguments.”"—Detroit Free Press. He Said Something—‘The next person who interrupts the proceedings,” said the judge, sternly, “will be expelled from the court-room and ordered home.” “Hooray!” cried the prisoner.—London Tit-Bits. Cured—The author of ‘Trivia’ writes: “What a bore it is waking up in the morning always the same person.” We had often fretted over this, until the shudder-giving thought struck us that we might wake up some morning and find ourself the kaiser. And it would be just our luck to be Bill on the Day of Retribu- tion.—Boston Transcript. A Peril Close at Home “Worse yet!—my mother-in-law!"—Le Pel Méle (Paris) The Nervous Hun in Russia “ Auraivje le temps de le dépouiller compl “Shall I have time to strip him completel Paradoxical—“ My friend is in para- doxical trouble.” “What kind is that?” “He is in a hole because he couldn't find an opening.” —Baltimore American. Great Luck—“ He's certainly playing in luck.” “What's the matter now?” “Tt turnsout that his wife can make as good muffins and biscuits out of war flour as she could out of wheat.”— Detroit Free Press. In Work Day Guise—Waterfront Guard (suspicious- ly) — The photo- graph on this pass doesn’t look like you at all. Coal Driver — Your watch is stopped, boss. To- day ain't Sunday !— Buffalo Express Just Lonely — Sometimes we over- hear a lonely man addressing a re- mark toatree. He is not necessarily nutty Kansas City Journal. nent?” "—La Victoire (Paris). A Suspicious Record—A Kansas City schoolboy has a record of never having been late or absent for 12 years. All theories to the contrary, this is the kind of a boy who grows up to be a train robber.— Buffalo News. Home Hints for Bachelors—Hang the crayon portrait of Aunt Anastasia over the bad place on the living-room wall-paper. Back the sideboard up against the place where the wainscoting was blistered during a chafing-dish party given by your predecessors. By keeping the player-piano going you can easily overcome the banging of the faulty radiator in the living- room. The temperature may be made agrce- able by constant exercise with wall weights, dumb bells and rowing machines. On heatless days you can thus fool your landlord and yourself at the same time. Place a large Japanese umbrella up against the ing in the library where the radiator upstairs has leaked through. Where you have too many pictures, hang them one over the other, the pic- tures of your relatives on the bottom and those of your chum’s relatives on top. Hang a towel-rack over the place where the genuine marble has peeled off the bathroom wall.—Richmond Times- Despatch. comicbooks.com