Judge — September 7, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| ee | SAMMIES | Puzzled—" I'm puzzled; my boy writes me from England that he’s lost twenty pound Getting thin, eh?” “That's what worries me. 1 don't know whether he’s referring to weight or money." —Detroit Free Press But He Knew Them—A_ certain tailor who had enlisted was home on furlough. His wife asked nd did you see anybody you knew other side?” ure,” was the husband's reply. “I saw a couple of dozen men who owe me for suits of clothes; and say, dear, it’s surprising how fast those fellows can get their gas-masks on over there!” —Fonkers Some Gun—A British soldier met an American soldier in London, and a conversation ensued during which the absorbing topic of the day cropped “What do you think of Fritz’s big gun that’s shelling Paris?” asked the Briton. “Oh, not much,” said the American. “But come,” said the Briton, “it’s a pretty tidy gun that can put a shell over seventy miles.” “Oh, that’s nothing,” retorted the American. “Jest you wait a bit We making a gun in Chicago that can put it in the shade. The first time we fire it the gun-crew are getting a fortnight’s leave, to wait for the rec London Tit-Bits Not What He Meant at All “Hoping this letter finds you as it | Yours ever, Jim. rhe Ta i; A Reminder—“ Bill says his soldier life reminds him daily of home and mother. “How is that?” “They won't let him sleep late mornings.”"—Boston Transcript. Patriotic—Patience—I saw Harry at the patriotic meeting last night. He was in khaki. Patrice—Oh, you saw him, did you? Patience—-Yes, and he was so patriotic that he stood up during the entire meeting. Patrice—Oh, that wasn’t altogether patriotism. He's joined the cavalry you know, and yesterday the first day he'd tried to ride a horse.""— Yonkers Statesman. It Measures Up to His Demands a SS . Thomas, and what do you think of the war? d 19, home on leave)—Best wa "ve ever been in!—London Opinion | THES EX No End to It—* What do you suppose will be the end of the woman question?” “There won't be any end. They'll always be asking them.”’—Baltimore lmerican. Manager of Hickville Academy of Musi —How many girls with your company Advance Agent (evasively)—We adver- tise Lwenty-five. Manager— unless you got ‘em this here burg will be check ‘em up.—Buflalo nt no use advertisin’ The poppylation of t the depot to xpress Sdll, That Was He—She—Waiter, can you tell me if Mr. Jones has been in today? Waiter—Mr. Jones? Is he the old man with the big red nose? She—YVes, that’s him—but look here, I want you to understand that my hus- band is not old, nor is his nose big and red.— Boston Transcript. What She Was— Miss Gossip—Mrs. Fewyears tells me she wasn’t sixteen when she was married Miss Telltale—No, 1 should say she wasn't. She was twenty-nine—London Tit-Bits She Took the First Steamer—At a lecture a well-known English authority on economics mentioned the fact that in some parts of America the number of men was considerably larger than that of women, and he added, humorously: “TI can, therefore, recommend the ladies to emigrate to that part.” A young woman seated in one of the last rows of the auditorium stood up and, full of indignation, left the room rather noisily, whereupon the lecturer remarked: “TL did not mean that it should be done in such a hurry.”—People’s Home Journal. Poor Bird—* You're a swindler!” ex- claimed a garrulous lady to a dealer in birds. “You're worse than a highway robber! You ought to be ashamed of yourself to cheat a poor innocent woman the way you did! That parrot I bought of you last week is a fraud. You said it was a fluent talker, and you charged mea big price for him, too, and that bird hasn’t said a single word since I got him. Not one word! Do you hear me? Not—one single—word!”” “ Perhaps,” suggested the dealer, mi ly, “you haven’t given him a chance London Tit-Bits. comicbooks.com