Judge — September 7, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUST KIDS Table Manners—Tommy had been invited to dine at a learned professor's house, and his mother was anxious for his good behavior at the table. She gave him elaborate instructions. “Well, Tommy, how did you get on?” she asked on his return. Oh, all right, ma!” “You are quite sure you didn’t do any- thing impolite?” “Well, no, ma—at speak of.” The mother’s anxiety was aroused. “Ah, then there was something wrong! Now, tell me all about it, Tommy.” “Oh, it wasn’t much! You see, I was trying to cut my meat, when it slipped off my plate on to the floor.” “Oh, my dear boy; what did you do?” “T just said sort of carelessly, ‘That's always the way with tough meat,’ and went on with my dinner.” ndon Tit- Bits least nothing to A Modern Version—" What did you learn in Sunday-school?” asked grand ma. “The Lord is my chauffeur, I shall not walk,” answered five-year-old Freddi with profound conviction —Pearson’s Weekly. the Oft-Sung ‘*Marble Surpassing Halls" ‘vm AG ! mmo Ag Wn 2 remarques que C'est une cave historique. wait du charbon dans le temps.” ress (to lady come to look at “At- ¢ cellar, together with apartment,” advertised as for rent)—And then, too, mum, historic associations. Why, coal used n that cellar!—La Baionnete it's ge to be kept (Paris) Making Junk of Junkertum The End « Seeing Not Always Believing— Henry’s mother had cautioned him about eating too much when he was invited out. One day the little boy was visiting a rather cross old aunt and after he had asked three times for more dessert she exclaimed: My goodness, child. you do certainly eat an awful lot for such a small boy!” Well, Aunt Grace,” replied Henry, somewhat conscience-stricken, “maybe I’m not so little as I look from the out- ide.” —Harper's Magazine Swatting Time Bobby?” “Yeth, mama “Why is baby brother crying?” “They wath a fly on his head.” “Did you brush it off?” “Yeth, mama, but I couldn’t find a thwatter, tho I took the toaththin fork to hit it with.”—Youngstown Telegram. They Come High—A North Vernon youngster had several clerks in a local grocery guessing the other day when she called for a quarter’s worth of hypocrites. Later it was learned that she wished 25 cents’ worth of apricots.—/ndiana polis News. f the Great Drive RReunen Financ al America. IRISHISMS Yao ana oa era Corrigon’s Idea—Corrigon, Sr. (ad- miring his son in U. S. N. uniform)—But why do they make the pants so wide at the bottom, Danny? Corrigon, Jr.—So they can be quickly rolled up, dad. Corrigon, Sr. (warmly)—Ye're no son iv mine iv ye're goin’ to fight wid yer feet! yer jacket sleeves that ought to be wide at th’ bottom!—Buffalo Ex- press. Preparing for the Inevitable— 1 re tellin’ me,” said Mrs. Murphy, “that ye’re wur-rkin’ hard night an’ day since you was up before the magistrate for pushin’ yer husband about.” “Yis, Mrs. Murphy,” said Mrs. Me- Intyre. lis Honor said that if I came before him ag’in he'd fine me foive dollars.” “An’ so ye’re wur-rkin’ to kape out of mischief?” “On th’ contrary, Mrs. Murphy, I’m wur-rkin’ hard to save up for,me fine."”"— Harper's Magazine. comicbooks.com