Judge — August 24, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SEX | Easy to Identify—A wild-eyed, dis- heveled-looking woman burst into the local police-station. “My husband has been threatening to drown himself for some time,” she cried, hysterically, “and he’s been missing now for two days. I want you to have the canal dragged.” “Anything peculiar about him by which he can be recognized, supposing we find the body?” inquired the in- spector. The woman hesitated, and seemed at a loss for a minute or two. Then a look of relief slowly overspread her face. “Wh ” she exclaimed at last; “he’s deaf!""—London Tit-Bits. Old as Creation—Patience—Did you see that creation that Peggy wore yesterday? Patrice—I saw her dress, if that’s what you mean; but why call it a creation? It wasn’t new, “I know it, but it was about as old as that.”—Yonkers Statesman. A Possible Reason—“ Why is it that a woman will tell things to her dressmaker she wouldn’t tell her husband?” That’s a pretty problem in feminine , I should say the dress: for business reasons, is more apt to listen The Dear Creature 50 francs, ce jeune pore? mais c'est la folie!™ “Ah, monsicur, on a bien du mal, aller! Les enfants, ca pousse tout seul, mais les cochons, c'est ¢a qui coute @ tener!” “Fifty dollars for that pig? Nonsense!” “Ah, but it represents a heap o” trouble. Chillun grows up jes’ so, but pigs has got to be raised careful.”"—L' Illustration (Paris). than the woman's hus*and.”—Birming- ham Age-Herald. Helpful Helpmeet—“ Charley, dear,” said young Mrs. Torkins, “I have thought up a witticism for you to tell at the club.” “Do I have to tell it?” “Of course not. But you'll miss a great chance if you don’t. It’s this: Baseball players ought to be put into the Navy instead of the Army. Go on; ask “So that they can steal submarine bases.” —Washington Star. Within the Rules On peut causer avec Cennemi—mais—il y a la maniére. It’s all right to have dealings with the enemy, provided you do so in the right way.— La Baionnette (Paris). | JUST KIDS | A Tart Answer—Paterfamilias was feeling out of sorts and was inclined to be a bit raw. “Get away from the fire, my boy!” he said to Thomas Jr., “the weather isn’t cold!” Thomas put on an injured air. “Well, I ain’t warming the weather,” he answered. “I’m warming my hands.” —London Answers. Reason was Clear—A small English boy was asked: “How is it your father always wins money when he plays cards, but invariably loses when he backs horses?” Very promptly came the reply: “Please, sir, father can't shuffle the horses." —Boston Transcript. The Timid Teacher—“I'll be glad when I can go back to school.” “Fine. What an ambitious little boy you are, to be sure.” “That ain’t it. The teacher in school is afraid to lick me, but ma isn’t.”— Detroit Free Press. For Awhile—“I sce your boy has gone to work.” “Yes.” “How’s he getting along?” “Oh, fine! Anything in the way of novelty appeals to him.”"—Boston Trans- cript. Pleasant Prospect—A messenger boy, who lives in a South Side street, was rid- ing on his bicycle, with a much smaller child seated on the handle bars in front of him. A lonesome little boy who sat on the front porch of his home called to his mother. “What is it, dear?” the mother asked. “Look at the messenger boy,” the youngster said in some excitement. “Well, what’s strange about him?” “Just look what he’s got. I believe he is bringing us a little baby brother.”— Youngstown Telegram. Knew What They'd Catch—The twins had gone in swimming without mother’s permission, and they antici- pated trouble. “Well,” said Tommy, philosophically, “we're both in the same boat, any- how.” “Yes,” returned Ray, the humorist of the family, “but I’m afraid it’s a whale- boat.”—Boston Transcript. comicbooks.com