Judge — August 24, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEEZES An Impressive Pause—Rich Old Aunt—Robert, I am going to make my will, I think I shall leave you— (pause) Nephew erly) —Yes, aunt. Aunt—Before long.— Boston Tran- script. corge Washington His Resource—* never told a falsehood. “Maybe not. Anyhow, he was such a smart man and such a fighter that nobody had the nerve to accuse him of it.’ Washington Star. Her Reply—" Money won't buy hap- piness, my dear.” “No, but it will buy a lot of the things that would make me happy.”—Detroit Free Press. Bloodless Ah! yer don’t undersand, dearie; it means [ ain't got no blood in me. The Tat- ler (London). A Polite Retort—Trafic Cop—Come on! What’s the matter with you? Truck Driver—I'm well, thanks, but me engine’s dea Buffalo Express. Steady Work—Setllement Worker— Does your husband have steady work? Poor Woman—I think so, mum; at least, he’s never out of the workhouse more than a week at a time.—Buffalo Express. The Gossipy Male—“‘It is difficult for a woman to keep a secret.” “It must be,” answered Miss Cayenne, “if she happens to have a husband as eager to hear gossip as some of the men I know.” —Washington Star. Opening the Flood Gates—Mrs. Knagg (with magazine)—It s here that a South $ sland wife isn’t sup- posed to talk until her husband speaks first. Knagg—l'll bet some of those husbands are fools enough to do it.—Boston Tran- Pt. ’ Here and There—He finished a long explanation about being late. “T don’t believe a word of it,” declared his wife. “There's where you're wrong. Several words of it are true.’—Kansas City Journal. Peggy—“I thought your wife’s name was Elizabeth?” it is.” Then why do you call her Peggy?” “Short for Pegasus.” “What has that to do with it?” “Why, Pegasus is an immortal steed.” “What of that?” “Sh! Not so loud! She’s in the next room. You see, an immortal steed is an everlasting nag, so there you are!””— Farmer and Breeder. Downing His Emotions ny danger of being torpedoed? nder (London) She Knew the Symptoms—“Charley, dear,” said young Mrs. Torkins in a tone that was kind but firm, “did you tell me you were up late last night with a sick friend?” “What made your friend feel sick? Was he a heavy loser?”—Washington Item. In the Cards of Fate “ Primerament et sortien espases..i guanv= aves.” “Tara els bastos 4 qué oolen dir?” “Volen dir que rebras.” “You will attack—you will advance.” “Good! And what then?” “Then—you will retire.”—Esquella (Bar- eclona). comicbooks.com