Judge — August 17, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NEIGHBORS Inducements—“ Mrs. Dubwaite and Mrs. Twobble seem to be on friendly s, indeed. They’ve been that way for a number of years.” “How do you account for the fact that never fall out, as most women do er or later?” Well, their husbands’ incomes are identical; both are passably good look- ing; they have about the same amount of money to spend for clothes, luxuries and amusements, and there are neither children nor poodles to stir up strife. In fact, they’d have a hard time finding something to squabble about.” —Birming- ham Age-Herald. Seasonable—‘* Why do you hold him in such high regard for truth and verac- ity?” “Well, for one thing, I’ve known him for a good many years and he never yet informed me that he was going to have new potatoes from his garden by the Fourth of July.” —Browning’s. The Farmer Finds Out—James M. Beck, the lawyer, said in an address in New York “T have no sympathy with all these jokes about the stupidity of the farmer, for I remember too well’ a farmer who visited a friend of mine when I was a struggling young lawyer in a little brick h e in West Philadelphia. he farmer said at breakfast to my friend one morning vy, who’s the man across the way? Every morning, as regular as clock-work, he gets in front of his window at 7:15 and shaves himself till 7:30. He's done it now ten mornings runnin’.” “*T guess he’s done it every morning for the last twelve years, uncle,’ said my friend. Has he lived there all that time?’ “Ves, and longer, most likely. I’ve cars myself.’ been here only twelve “*What’s his name?’ I don’t know. What's he do for a livin’?’ I haven't the least idea.’ “The farmer uncle put'on his hat and went out. He was back before his nephew started for the office. “*Nevvy,’ he said, ‘that chap’s name is Mills—Quincy A, Mills. He’s manager of the Methodist book rooms of this town. They pay him $3,500 a year and he’s worth close on to $20,000 in stocks “Mrs. 'Arris gets fairly upset by these raids; I don’t take no notice of ‘em mes but yer sce she ’asn’t lived with my old a for twenty-five years.""—The Tatler (Lon and bonds. He owns the house he live: in, he’s got two grown girls and a twelve- year-old boy, and he’s a deacon in the Powelton Avenue Methodist church. Age forty-seven. There! I've found out more about him in twelve minutes than you have in twelve years. Blessed if I don’t believe livin’ in cities makes folks stupid.’ — Pittsburg — Chronicle- Telegraph. DOCTORS Medical Advice—“So the doctor told you to go to a warmer climate. What was the nature of the trouble you con- sulted him about?” “IT went there to collect a bill.’"— Boston Transcript. Doctor's Only Chance—Wife—Hel lo! Dr. Bunyun? Yes? Come right away. Mr. Little has another one of his spells Doctor (half hour later)—Why didn’t you send for me sooner? You should not have waited till your husband was unconscious. Wife—Well, as long as he had his senses he wouldn’t let me send for you.— New York Evening World. Reassured—Surgeon (before the opera- tion)—Worrying? Tut! Tut! Why, it won’t amount to anything. The tightwad (with a sigh of relief) Thank you, doctor. I knew you'd be reasonable.—Buffalo Express. A Knockout—The tramp rang the doctor’s bell, and asked the pretty young woman who opened the door if she would be so kind as to ask the doctor if he had a pair of old trousers he would kindly g away, r “I'm the doctor,” said the smili young woman, and the tramp fainted London Tit-Bits Shell Shock et if we find anythii "ere looks like the hen-house, * eggs left The F comicbooks.com