Judge — August 17, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Salat The Double Use “ Meno, “It's graves.” THE WAR Wanted No Credit—" You hell your position bravely,” said the colonel to the kiltie. “T had to hold it. The mud here is so thick you can't retreat.”’—Louisville Courier-Journal, Perpetual Peace Plan—IVillis—I wonder if there will ever be universal peace? Gillis—Sure. All they've got to do is to get the nations to agree that in case of war the winner pays the pensions.— Dallas News. Her Opinion—“I think it decidedly unfair.” “What?” “My boy writes that the cooties give him no rest at all. It seems to me those Scotch bagpipers ought to be made to stop playing when the boys want to sleep.’ —Detroit Free Press Easily Unfair—‘“ What's the trouble down the street?” “Oh, a fellow has just assured himself of free board and lodging for an indefi- nite period.” “ How did he turn the trick?” “ By shouting, ‘Hurrah for the Kaiser and down with the Stars and Stripes. Brimingham Age-Herald. hes. We need them now for Of A Kind—A well known army officer tells this one on himself. He was inspecting one of the new draft camps and came to a place where there should have He could see none there, so looked around a bit. Finally he spied a soldier sitting alone in a corner of the fence playing solitaire. “Do you know who I am?” he asked impressively. “No,” said the soldier, intent on his cards. “Well,” thundered the officer, I am a sort of a Brigadier-General.” “All right.” replied the soldier, “wait until I finish this game and I'll give you a sort of a salute.”—Scranton Times. been a sentry Indispensable ue je me demande ferons, aprés la guerre, pour nous eed, we've gotten so used to ns that when the war is over, we'll ever be able to get along —L' Illustration (Paris). without them! New to Him—An American sailor went to Scotland Yard to report that he was changing his place of abode, inas- much as he was on his way to the hospi forastay. The sergeant behind the desk looked up at him and said “Are you going down to The worried Sammy looked more dole- ful than ever and replied “Well, if I do I will not be any more trouble to you except that you will have to ship my body back to the States Gloomily he started to leave the o when a clerk laughingly told the American that the sergeant—who was a cockney of cockneys—had merely asked, “Are you going down to-day?”—Buf- falo Commercial. A Little Premature—The visitor Here you are, Gunner Brown; I've brought you some flowers to-da: Gunner Brown (observing the visitor dressed in black)—Blime; I ain’t gone an’ snuffed it, ’ave I, miss?—London Opinion. LOVE A Lady of Experience—“I can't see,” he said, “why we may not become pla- tonic lovers.” “T can.” she replied. “The last pla- tonic lover I had borrowed most of the insurance my husband left me.””—Dayton News. A Detached Attitude—“Did she seem to encourage you when you spoke of love?” “No. Confound the day I ever got interested in a female philosopher! “What's wrong?” “She insists on regarding love as an abstract quality.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. A Very Woman—Ie (rapturously)— You accept me. Then it’s a bargain? She (calmly) ainly! I shouldn't consider it if it wasn’t.—Boston Tran- script. Through Sympathy—The Driver Yes, I married my old girl through sym- pathy, like. . Yer see, I knocked ‘er down wiv me old taxi The Misogynist—They ought to make that compulsory. There wouldn’t be so many blinkin’ accidents then.—London Punch. comicbooks.com