Judge — August 10, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

/ a ee A Mis—Understanding Visitor—Yes, Reggie looks very well in uniform, but—er—he ought tq pad his iegs, don’t you think? Fond Mother—But—he does!—The Passing Shote (London). | WAR WHEEZES A Good Beginning—A minister from the trenches was recounting some of his experiences to a party of friends a short time ago and told of a wounded Irishman whom he found in a deep state of dejec- tion. Upon being asked if he would like to dictate a letter home, his face bright- ened somewhat and he assented. Imme- diately the minister brought writing materials to his bedside and signified his intention to take down the letter. He waited a few moments, but Tim appeared incapable of speech, so the minister said: “Come, come, my good man; I haven't very much time. We must make a start. What shall I say?” But Tim remained tongue-tied. “Shall I begin—' My dear Wife’?” “Yis,” assented Tim, grimly. down. That'll amuse her.”"—. Magazine. Afraid—Marie—Don't cry, dear. You must be brave while Jack is away with the army. Remember the war won't last forever, and then he will return to you. Betty—Y-yes; but I'm afraid that be- fore he comes back some other hateful man will marry me.—Boston Transcript. Helps Him—Yeast—Don’t you think the conserving of food is good for you? Crimsonbeak—I do. I haven't eaten any of my wife’s biscuits for a month, and I feel better for it.—Yonkers States- man. Making Good—“I see where a soldier who wasn’t much of a soldier when it came to saluting his superior officers and drilling, went ‘over the top’ and proved himself every inch a hero.” “I dare say a great many of our boys are like that,” said the golf player, thoughtfully. “They show rather poor form in the preliminaries and are strong in the finals.”’ — Birmingham Age-Herald. Professional Secrets “Monsieur le boulanger, je voudrais bien savoir ce que cous fiche: dans cotre pain?” “Pardon, monsieur, qu'est<e que vous ees?” “ Journaliste.” “Estce que je cous demande ce que vous fichez dans votre journal?” “Would you mind telling me what on earth you put into your bread?” “Pardon me, sir, but what is your voca- tiot ‘m a journalist.” “Well, do I ever inquire what on earth you stick into your paper?”"—L'Illustration (Paris). Suitable Medium—“I sce whe man was arrested for swearing in German.”” “It served him right “What is your opinion of German, anyhow?” “I don’t know of any other language better adapted to showing that a person has a bad disposition and is extremely hard to get along with.”” —Birming Age-Herald. His Only Regret—Dome S. Tick— Isn't it awful to have to give up your home and wife and go to war? Gabe Oy—My only regret is that I have but one wife to give up for my country.— Town Topics. Explained—The missus—You look so strong and well—it’s hard to believe you're a wounded soldier. The mendicant—No, lady, I'm worse’n that—I am one of the ‘“missing.”— Sydney Bulletin. JOURNALISM The Editor's Appeal—In this kind of weather approximately so many typo- graphical errors on the editorial page seem unavoidable and essential, and all we ask of our esteemed and perspiring proofreaders is that they put as many as possible of the irreducible minimum in the extracts from valued contem- poraries, and as few as possible in the original work, if any.—Ohio State Journal. Too Good—A correspondent of the London Daily News forwards to the editor the following Chinese method of refusing a contribution which has been received from a Pekin journal: “We have read thy manuscript with infinite delight. Never before have we reveled in such a masterpiece. If we printed it the authorities would ordain us to take it as a model, and hence- forth never to print anything inferior to it. As it would be impossible to find its equal within 10,000 y we are com- pelled, though shaken with sorrow, to return your divine MS., and for doing so we ask of thee a thousand pardons.””— New York Sun. His Contribution—Visitor—Sir, I am collecting for the Poets’ Hospital. Will you contribute anything? Editor—With pleasure! Call tonight with the ambulance, and I will have a poet ready!—London Tit-Bits. comicbooks.com