Judge — August 10, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Selfish Farmer Again—A sena tor, apropos of the farmer’s attempt to raise the price of wheat, said the other day: “The farmers are actuated by selfish motives in this business. It’s like the story of the duel. “Two gentlemen with their seconds retired to a farmer’s meadow to fight a duel. The various preliminaries were ar- ranged, and the duel was just about to begin when the gaunt figure of the farmer wi ‘en racing across the grass toward the scene of conflict. “ The farmer seemed in great distress of mind. ‘A humane chap,’ the principals and seconds thought; ‘he wants to prevent bloodshed’; and they welcomed him kindly. “*Excuse me, gents,’ the farmer said, gulping with emotion, ‘but is this here goin’ to be a sword or a pistol duel?’ “*Sword duel,’ said a second. ‘Why?’ “*Well, you see,’ said the farmer, ‘if it s a pistol duel I’d want to take my cows in first.’""—Weshington Star. What He Hated They were mowing the hay when he paused to say: “There are just two things that I fain would shirk. One is mowing the grass while the hot hours ss" — “And the other, my son,” work,” id his pa, “is They were splitting the wood, as farmers should When the winter is only a month ahead. Said the son: “Two things [ hate, by jings! This job—" “Yes, and work,” his father said, They were working the corn one steamy morn When the son, as he paused fora drink, said “This is one of the chores that my soul deplores “T’other’s. work,” shook his head. said his sire, as he And his father was right; for this lazy wight, Whose favorite outdoor sport was shirk, Had, early and late, two objects of hate: The job he was busy at then—and work. —Farm Life. New Arrival (nearing the front for the irst time, pointing to the observation bal- loons)—What are them things, mate? Old Hand—Oh! them's dugouts for the flying blokes.—The Bystander (London). Couldn't Fail—“Is there any way to prevent my neighbors’ predatory chickens from scratching up my garden seed? Oh, yes.” “For heaven's sake, name it! “After planting the seed have your en- tire garden paved with concrete.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. That Son of a Gun Hl 420 ha potuto avere il disegno del cannone tedesco che spande i pestilentissimi gas asfissi- anti. We are fortunate in being able to present to our readers this authentic picture of the famous German supergun.—II 420 (Florence). LA Digest of the Worlde Humor | The Wittiest Thoughts from the Prightest Minds KIDS {| JUST He Was Up-to-date—Little Johnnie. aged seven, was being admonished by his father for fighting with the boy next door. “T never got into a fight when I was a boy,” said his parent. “I know, dad,” said Johnnie; “but these are war times.”—People’s Home Journal, No Inducement—“Look here, now, Harold,” said a father to his little son, who was naughty,’ “if you don’t say your pray you won't go to heaven “T don’t want to go to heaven,” sobbed the boy; “I want to go with you and mother.”’—Pearson's. Testing Uncle's Faith—Willie, on a visit to his uncle’s in the country, admired a fine colt. “Uncle, give me that colt, will you?” he asked. “I'm afraid I can’t do that, Willie,” said his uncle laughingly. ‘That's a very valuable colt, and I couldn't af- ford to give him to you. Do you want a colt so very badly?” “I'd rather have a colt than anything else in the world,” said Willie. “Then,” said his uncle, Il tell you what you ought to do. Since you want a colt that much, you ought to pray for one. Whenever I want a thing I always pray for it, and then it is sure to come to me?” “Is that so, uncle?” said Willie, eagerly. “Won't you please give me this colt, then, and pray for one for your- self?” —Pittsburg Chronicte-Telegraph. Good Reasons—Johnny—What makes that new baby at your house cry so much, Tommy? Tommy—It don’t cry so very much— and anyway, if all your teeth was out, and your hair off, and your legs so weak you couldn’t stand on them, I guess you'd feel like crying yourself!— London Tit-Bits. 1 ! 5 comicbooks.com