Judge — August 3, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Wrong Number—A business-man was staying in a large provincial town when he heard that Mr. Smith, his partner, was at a neighboring city, so he rang up his hotel (as he thought) on the telephone. “Is Mr. Smith there?” he inquired. “No, he is not,” came the response. cll, has he engaged rooms?” we don’t reserve rooms here. st come first served is our rule,” came the sharp and somewhat airy reply. “Can you tell me if he will stay with you when he reaches the town?” “It’s possible he may, but we can't say.” Look here,” roared the i you're the most impudent j in-office that ever spoiled his bosses’ business. Go away and tell someone who knows more about the business of the hotel to come and speak to me.” here was a chuckle at the other end. “This isn’t a hotel; it’s the county jail,” said the voice.—London Tit-Bits. WIVES Loaded—In olden times in S€otland it was customary for an officer to go round the towns and villages to see that the inhabitants had no weapons of war in their possession. On one of these tours an officer called at the house of a worthy couple, and put the question to the old man: “Any weapons of war in this house?” After scratching his head Sandy looked at his better half and said: “Deed, a: Pit oot yer tongue guidwife.”—London Tit-Bits, Time Limited—Bix—What did your wife say to you when you got home at four o’clock this morning? Dix (wearily)—Say, old man, I've got some work to do today.—Boston Tran- script. Logical—/ris—Mrs. Lothaire will be sorry if she lets her husband run around with that fascinating widow. Cyrus—Yes; if a man’s wife can’t keep him from paying attention to another woman, the other woman will soon keep him from paying attention to his wife— Town Topics. A Conscientious Objector—‘* Then, I understand, that after your husband had made over all his money to you, you left him.” “Yes; I couldn’t live with a man who cheated his creditors like that.”—Boston Transcript. The Quest of Comfort “Et, sion manque de charbon, faire pour ne pas avoir froid cet hiver? “Vous irez vows plaindre dans un ministére les antichambres sont toujours chauffées!” comment “And suppose there's a coal shortage next winter, how shall a person keep warm?” “Why, take your complaint to the Coal Administration. The anterooms there are always heated.”—L'Illustration (Paris). He Did—Heck—I suppose you always let your wife have the last word. Peck—Ves, and I'm always delighted when she gets it.—Boston Transcript. The Ideal Spouse—“ The kind of ideal wife most men want,” says the elderly suffragist, “is the one who is tickle. 10 death to get a bag of flour for a birthday present.” —Roller Monthly. A Wide Divergence—‘ Pardon me for referring to it,” remarked Mr. Dubwaite to his good friend and neighbor, Mr Trobble, “but as I was coming out of my house this morning I thought I overheard you and Mrs. Trobble having a little difference of opinion.” “Tt wasn’t a ‘little difference of opin- ion,’ replied Mr. Trobble, sadly. “I suggested that a fishing trip might do me good. Mrs. Trobble and I could not have been farther apart in our views than President Wilson and the Kaiser are on the subject of peace.” —Birmingham A ge- Herald. FOOD When It Comes True—Jinks—The old saying about wolves in sheep's cloth- ing comes back to a man. Blinks—When? Jinks—When he orders spring lamb in a cheap restaurant.—Brooklyn Eagle. Modern Cookery— Didn't I tell you to cook this egg four minutes?” “I did so, sir,” answered the waiter. “Tt was just out of cold storage. Four minutes wasn’t enough time to do much more than thaw it nicely.”—Washington Star. It Was—Diner—Look here! a hair in the butter? Waiter—Yes, sir, a cow’s hair. We always serve one with the butter to show that it isn't oleomargarine.—Buffalo Commercial. Isn't that Blissful Ignorance—‘ That horse is eating his head off,” remarked Mrs. Corntossel. “Well,” replied the farmer, “that’s the advantage of being a dumb animal. He hasn’t heard a thing about Mr. Hoover.” —Washington Star. Too Fashionable Tailor—Now, here's a very smart suiting. Customer—Oh, for heavel coupons!—The Passing Show (London). AY ra. =F} * S KK hy ay ere Ky m a iy RK Ry KY ry iV iy ease ‘ SNe oa AAR 0, "s sake take it away—it reminds me of my wretched meat- comicbooks.com