Judge — August 3, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Arms and the Mouth unded as I vanquished them and bit my tongue saying | JUST KIDS | Did His Best—One afternoon little Jimmy was invited to take tea with a chum, and when he returned home he found his mother anxiously waiting for him. “I hope, Jimmy,” said the mother, after listening to sundry details of the affair, “that you remembered to wash your hands before you went to the table.” “We were called in so quickl. swered Jimmy, “that I didn’t have time to wash but one.” “Wash but one?” exclaimed his mother, with much concern. “What did you do?” “Why, I ate with that one,” was the reassuring reply of Jimmy, “‘and kept the other in my pocket.""—Philadel phia Tele- graph. The Aggravating Sort—An agent, approaching a house, met a little boy at the gate and asked: “Is your mother home?” “Yes, sir,”’ said the boy, politely. The agent walked across the long lawn, and, after rapping several times without receiving an answer, returned to the youth, saying: “IT thought you said your mother was at home.” “Yes, sir, she is,” replied the boy. was foolish enc *Three hundred a “But I have rapped several times with- out receiving an answer.”” “That may be, sir,” said the boy; “I don’t live there.” —Ottawa Citizen. Couldn't Understand It—‘When I was a lad I was never naughty like you.” “What was the matter with you, pa? Delicate or somethin’?"—Pittsburg Dis- patch, New Use for a Gas Mask % le Malinot—Mon tailleur qui se tort. .s*il se doutait gue jremploie ce true pour passer libre- ment devant sa maison! Mr. Slowpay—My tailor, there, can laugh all he wants to. It mightn’t seem so funny to him if he knew I was putting one over on i Péle-Miéle (Paris). GOLF Why They Were There—A rather choleric golfer went out to play for the second time on a certain course. Evi- dently his fame had preceded him, for at the qrive-off he found an_ interested gallery of local youngsters. “What's this?” demanded the choleric one, sizing up the assembly. “What do you want?" Nothin’. rejoinder of the leader of the bunch. Then beat it, every one of you!” exclaimed the player. “There. isn’t anything around here for you to watch!” “We didn’t come here to watch,” re- turned the youngsters, without attempt- ing to move on. “We come here to listen."—Dayton News was the non-committal Done With It—*‘Is Slicerleigh what you would call a golf enthusiast “Yes, for lack of a stronger word. Some people let golf interfere with their business and others let business interfere with their golf, but when Slicerle a score of 84 he threw his cap into the ai: hugged his caddy and forthwith retired from business.""—Birmingham Age-Her- ald. TELEPHONES In China—In China, when the sub- scriber rings up ange the operator may be expected to ask “What number does the honorable son of the moon and stars desire?” “Hohi, two-three. Silence. Then the Exchange resumes: “Will the honorable person graciously forgive the inadequacy of the insignificant service and permit this humbled slave of the wire to inform him that the never-to- be-sufficiently-censured line is busy?"— London Tit-Bits Her Busy Day—“I have been sud- denly called out of town,” remarked Mr. Glithersby. “It’s too bad that I won't have an opportunity to communicate with my wife before leaving.” “Why, you can telephone to her, or send a messenger boy “Neither plan is feasible. This is the day of the week when Mrs. Glithersby pays her telephone calls. I would hate to interrupt her in the middle of a conversa- tion or trying to get the next number.”"— Birmingham Age-Herald. comicbooks.com