Judge — August 3, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ve | pet Digest of the Worlds Hnor | The Wittiest lak i the Prightest Minds KNOCKS There, Now—"She needn't put on ho fine airs with me.” sneered Bertha the shoplady. “What's the matter, hon?” asked Tillie, at the next counter. “One of them new-riches was in here just now. She ain't got nothin’ on me s‘far’s gram- mar’s concerned, an’ I've got her beaten to a pulp when it comes to a figure.” Birmingham Age-Herald. Just Once—Lawyer—Have you ever been in jail? Witness—Yes, sir, once. Lawyer (triumphantly)—Ah! For how long? Witness—Long enough to whitewash a cell which was to be occupied by a lawyer who cheated one of his clients.—Boston Transcript. Cruelty to Classics —“ Bliggins reads a great deal.” “T wish he wouldn't,” commented Miss Cayenne. “He can take the great est author who ever wrote and quote him in a way that makes him sound perfectly foolish." —IWashington Star. It Sounded That Way—WMrs. A.— Josephine is progressing by leaps and bounds in her piano pract Mr. A.—I thought she couldn't make all that racket with her hands alone.— Boston Transcript. Optimism's Fault—" Father,” said “what is an optimist?” “An optimist, my son, is a man who positively decides that ev hing is all right without troubling himself to make inquiries.”""—Washington Star. They Did—“ Did any of your ances- tors do anything to cause posterity to remember them?” asked the haughty woman. “I reckon they did,” replied the old farmer. “My grandfather put a mort- gage on the place that ain’t paid off yet.""—Boston Transcript. a ere Gr The Patriot “Monsieur ne reprend pas un peu de bif- * Merci non recommande Leconomiser le ewir!™ Won't you have the rest sir “No, thanks, wa economise on lea on now of the ste. we've been told to ~ L'Mbastration (Paris) Fersonal He—The fools are not all at's as sure as live. — Bosion Transcript. you Covering the Situation “Yessir, if | hain’t plum clean forgotten the name of that magazine that Mariar told me to buy for her! Th’ only thing I recollect was that she said they was a nice picture of a soldier and his sweetheart on the cover."— New York World. Se ear renee earn ae ~% \ } | THE SEX | Took Second Best—When Mrs. Um- son met Mrs. Amley in front of a down- town department store the other day the former laughed and said: “IT have been in every store in town trying on hats, and in each store I told the clerk I would be back later with my husband to look at the one I finally picked out.” “ And did you really take your husband back to see the hats? “Only to one store.”” “Did you tell the clerks who you are?” “No.” “T'll bet your husband is glad of that.” “He said he is.” “Did you finally get a hat to suit you?” “No, but I took the one I liked next best.” “Why did you do that?” “The one I really preferred came down over my left eye “That's stylish. “I know, but my left eye is my best eye, and I want to be able to see what the other women are wearing.” —YVoungstown Telegram. Shocking—Mrs. Brown—With this ‘ere war on, I can’t afford clothes. The curate—Don't let that keep you away from church, Mrs. Brown!—London Passing Show. A Brother's Privilege—‘No, Mr. Dobley.” said the sweet girl, “I can only be a sister to you.” “Well, then,” he savagely replied, as he heard a subdued chuckle, “as your brother I claim the privilege of lying under the sofa while you make fools of the other fellows.”—Boston Tran- script. Only a “Ring-Off"” get a proposal, auntie? “Once, my dear. A gentleman pro- posed over the telephone, but he had the wrong number.” —London Tit-Bits. “Did you ever comicbooks.com