Judge — July 27, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

= | TOMMIES | Not Up to Him—“Well, corporal,” said the officer, “it’s a proud mother that'll be waiting to greet you when you get home this time.” “What’ll she be proud for?” queried the corporal, with a puzzled expression. “Of your medal, of course,” was the answer. “But I don’t think she knows I’ve got it, sir,” said the corporal. “What! "t you told her?” “Well, no, sir. You see it wasna’ my turn to write.””—London Tit-Bits. Cause Explained—Unable Sea- man—When I come round again the surgeon ’e says to me, “‘I’m blooming sorry, mate, I don’t know what I was thinking about,” he says, “but there’s a sponge mij and I believe it’s in- side yer.” “‘What’s the odds?” I says, “‘let it be.” And there it is to this day. Gullible Old Gentleman—Bless my soul! Unable Seaman—I don’t feel no par- ticular pain from it, but I do get most uncommonly thirsty. —Cassell’s Saturday Journal. History—At a military church service some recruits were listening to the chap- lain in church saying, “Let them slay the Germans as Joshua smote the Egyp- tians,” when a recruit whispered to a companion: “Say, Bill, the old bloke is a bit off; doesn’t he know it was Kitchener who swiped the Egyptians?” —Answers. What He Did—Visitor—And what did you do when the bullet struck you? Bored Tommy—Sent mother a postal card to have my bed aired.—London Tit-Bits. | SMART ALECS | Some Hike—“ Astronomers tell us,” said the man of statistics, “that an ex- press train moving a hundred miles a second would consume several million years in reaching a certain star.” The other man sat silent, wrapped in thought. “Did you hear me?” asked the man of I heard you,” responded the ly. “I was just thinking what a predicament a chap would be in if he should miss the last train and have to walk.” —Boston Transcript. got butter as well. Young hopeful (London). A Rare Manuscript—‘I suppose you have many rare manuscripts here,” said the visitor who was going through the famous library. “We have,” replied the official. ‘Here is one in particular that we are very proud of. It is the ‘st manuscript in existence. It is paid on the —Cincinnati En- day it was presented.’ quirer. His Plan—‘The architect says the house will cost $6,000.” “Do you expect to build it for that sum?” “Yes; I shell leave off one story.”— Boston Transcript. A Disappointing Crop “Just my luck, ’Arry, Got my draft notice this morning, and only ‘ad me ‘air cut yester- day!"—The Bystander (London). Cause for Rejoicing The father When I was a little boy, my mother only gave us bread and jam. We never ‘Aren't you mighty glad you came to live with us, dad?—Passing Show | FOOD | He Raised Them—Food Controller Hoover told at a meatless-wheatless ban- quet a story about a poultry profiteer. “A lady entered his shop,” said Mr. Hoover, “and asked the price of chicken, ‘Them birds in the winder?’ said the profiteer. ‘Wall, they’re very fine qual- ity stock. I can’t let ’em go for less than 94centsa pound.’ ‘Indeed?’ said the lady, ‘did you raise them yourself?’ ‘Yep, said the profiteer absently. ‘They were 70 cents yesterday.’”—Buffalo Commercial. AUTOS Kept Guessing—“It is all right totalk about hitching your wagon to a star.” “Well?” “But the question now is—where can a fellow park an automobile?”—Kansas City Journal. Perfectly Satisfied—“That’s a fine new automobile you have, Mrs. Come- up.” “Yes, and we have such a splendid chefonyear.”"—Baltimore American. Too Dangerous—“ Why couldn’t that young society favorite get a license to run his car?” “Because somebody told them at the license office that he boasted of being a lady-killer.”—Baltimore American. comicbooks.com