Judge — July 20, 1918 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

nd de of ral ith he old her no Jey ked by Zin (recruited from a florist’s she Feminine Quaintness By Tom P. Moxcas st WOMAN is powerful touchy about A her children,” remarked Mr. Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Ridge, Ark. “No matter how many younguns she’s got, if one of ’em turns up missing she makes as much hooraw as if she'd lost a hundred. When we got home tuther evening from the circus at Tumlinville and swarmed around the supper table, wife suddenly set up a yell of ‘Whur’s Rowdy at?? And, shore enough, the baby was gone! We figgered around and couldn’t find head nor tailof him. About that time a feller who was riding past stopped and let us know that he reck- oned we'd lost a baby. 'Peared like the kid had jounced out of the wagon about half way betwixt town and home without our missing him. Anyhow, the feller said he'd seen a lady pick up a baby in the big road, and he ‘lowed it might be our’n. “ “Aw, well,’ says I, ‘that’s all right, then. The lady will prob'ly fetch him on over when he gets to r’aring and cussing to come home. And if she don’t I reckon he won’t spoil before morning, and I'll drive over then and get him.” “But, no, siree! That wouldn’t sorter commence to. satisfy wife. Nuth’n’ would do her but I must hook up and go after him in the middle of the night. A man may live with a woman a thousand years and never more than half under- stand her curliques.” | Up Against It “T have a commission to do a painting of a ten dollar bill.” “Well?” “And was just wondering where I could hire a model.” A Prospective Lost “That baldheaded customer of mine played it low down on me Been trying to scll him a bottle of hair tonic for the past two y “And did he buy some hair tonic from another barber?” No, he went and bought a wig.” pars.” The Short-Age “T see that on account of the war, they are beginning to complain of a scarcity of clergymen.” “And that isn’t the worst of it. I understand there is also a short- age of caddies.” Answer That “IT am one of the proletariat.” “What's that?” “One of the plain people, my friend.” “Then if you are one of the plain people, what are you indulgin’ in fancy names fer? Sweet and Low Black—I asked the hotel keeper if it was a lively place and he said that things were always humming. White—Yes, he means the mosquitoes! A daisy! Good Enough Excuse “When the fire started why didn’t you get a bucket of water and put it out? “The pump was on the others le of the river.” AFTER THE m Ex-Corporal Brown, commonly called “Hand that bill to yer boss an’ t ‘Fightin’ Joe? wants to know why it I his “All That is Foreign” Kai It is time to abolish all that is foreign. ¢ Bill. “THIS Mercy that we read about,” The Kaiser said, said he, “Is foreign in its origin \nd little use to me; 1 don't know who invented it; But [am free to say It's foreign, and I think we'd best Abolish it today! “And Honor: there's another thin The lordly Kaiser spoke, In which we all can recognize Some form of foreign joke; And Truth, of course, was brought to light On some far foreign shore: So let's abolish them at once And see them nevermore! “But liquid flame and poison gas And treachery and ties And all the tactics which we use To blind our foemen’s eyes Those things are ours, or handed down By Prussians of the past; And so we'll tre re all As long as Prussians last them He's Collecting ‘Em When it became known that a Catholic bishopric was to be filled, the Catholics of uveston circulated a petition asking that Father Kerwin, a Galveston priest, be made a bishop. The petition was signed by every churchman to whom it was presented until it reached an Irish night-watchman at the Santa Fe station. The Irishman read it and shook his head hesitatingly. ‘I don’t know about that,” he said, “Father Kerwin is a good priest and good enough and big enough to be a bishop, or a cardinal, even, but I think that job should go to Mr. McAdoo.” War t been paid.” comicbooks.com