Judge — July 6, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Utility of Tear | WHIMSIES Father Knows Everything—When the Amazonian marchers in the musical comedy came down to the front of the stage and began stepping high in the chorus of a song number, a small boy who sat with his father in the front row whispered hoarse! “What's them And father, who was monopolizing the glasses, softly replied Phose, my son, are the shock troops.” -Youngstown Telegram ope! To Be Thankful For—In every situation there’s something to be thank- ful for. For instance, when there is nothing left to delight you, you can feel thankful that you are not playing a bass drum with the Russian troops—Buffalo News Discouraged—Our own experience in attempting to restore a bald spot on the lawn convinces us that the man who makes two blades of grass grow where none grew before is not only a benefactor, but a wizard as well.—Akron Times. How He Escaped—A north woods guide who survived the hunting season tells how he made a neat use of camou- flage. He made himself up like a deer and did not get shot—Chicago News Moist—The eye of a little London girl was attracted by the sparkle of dew at early morning in a park. nk a Dreadnaught,’ 5 intense pathos moved the au “Mamma,” she exclaimed, ‘it’s hot- ter'n I thought it was.”” “What do you mean, darling?” “Look, the grass is all covered with perspiration.” don Tit-Bits. A Caution Resented—" Mind that step,” said the very young policeman to the very old offender, as he reached the police-station entrance with his charge “Garn,” growled the hardened old jailbird; “I knew that there step afore you was born.” —London Fun. A Friendly Tip J Never you eat nothink you pick up in the street, Mrs. ’Arris; because I see the ‘Uns is dropping poison stuff about."—The Tatler (London). Hopeless—"I feel that my fate hangs ona hair.” “Good heavens! And you're bald?” — imore American Ba Hard to Please Everybody —"I wish Thad a sunny lot in life.” “Great gosh! it is hard to. please everybody. Here Iam planting sh trees all over mine.” —Baltimore Ameri- ean Strong Stuff—Old § Lady (discussing tea shortage)—I s'pose they want it all for munitions—I’ve ‘card say they use a powerful lot of this T. N. Tea.—London Did All the Talking—* Confound the luck!" exclaimed Professor Diggs “What's the matter, professor?” asked “I wasted nearly an hour discussing the Elizabethan poets with an ignoramus “Well, I suspect it was your own fault,” replied Mrs. Diggs. “If you had let the poor fellow get in a word or two during the ‘discussion’ he would have exposed his ignorance and enabled you to get home sooner."—Birmingham Age- Herald. Of Course—Plaisantin offered in pay- ment of a bill a gold piece which had a suspicious ring. “Here, you've given me one of those false coins that the counterfeiters have just been arrested for making,” said the merchant. “Impossible,” answered Plaisantin. “Tt is dated 1863; if it were false, surely it would have been found out before this.” —La Gaulois. Learning Housework—* My daugh- ter is taking a course in domestic science.” “ How is she making out?” “All right, I infer. She writes that she just made the scrub team.”"—Kansas City Journal. Good Idea—“I'm told I talk in my “Good idea! If a lot of us could do our talking that way it would be some daylight saving.” —Sen Francisco Chron- ide. sle Naturally: o your vociferous cousin doesn’t want to go to the war! What gave him cold feet?” “I'm not sure, but I think it was being caught in the draft.”—Baltimore Ameri- can, comicbooks.com