Judge — July 6, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| LAW and LAWYERS |} seco ea eee oe Not Queer to Him—Friend—Queer saying, that about truth lying at the bottom of a well Lawyer—Vou wouldn't think so if y knew the amount of pumping we lawyers Boston Du sometimes have to do to get it Transcript Retired in Bad Order—Judge—The complaint against you is that you de- serted your wife Prisoner—I ain't a deserter, judge; I'm a refugee. Look at the welts on my head and this black eye.—Boston Trans script. The Excuse—The poor cripple thumped his crutch on the ground and said to his lawyer “Merciful heavens, man, your bill is outrageous! You are taking four-fifths of my damages! I never heard of such extortion “I furnished,” said the lawyer coldly, “the skill, the eloquence and the legal training for your case.” “Yes, but 1,” said the client, ruefully glancing at his injuries, “I furnished the case itself.” “Bosh!” sneered the lawyer body can fall down a coal hole.”"— Herald “Any- hicago Paradoxical—There is one thing in a lawyer's profession which is different from any other.” “What is that?” “The longer he is at it the more he has of a brief carcer.”—Baltimore Amer- ican Inconsistent — IV itness — He looked ight in the eye and ‘There, sir, you've flatly contradicted your former statement. “How so?” “You said before that he bent his gaze on you. Will you please explain how he could look you straight in the eye with a bent gaze?"—London Tit-Bits. | YOUNG THINGS An Ovation—‘Never got such an ovation in my life.” “How so, girli “You know when a young man lifts his hat to a lady every young man who happens to be with him does the same.” “Of course. “Well, Ferdy bowed to me from the Feminine Sarcasm The soldier—1 played a really decent game of golf this morning. Had at least a dozen m nificent shots. The girl—All at onc hole?—London Opinion. middle of his marching club and three hundred young men lifted their hats.”— ansas City Journal. Idle Curiosity—* That old gentleman over there is Professor Diggs. He knows the dimensions of all the stars.” “Do introduce me!” exclaimed Miss Gadder. The Food Shortage in Holland German Perhaps you can make use of my old belt.—De Amiterdammer (Amsterdam). Michel (to Dame Netherlands)— unger Are you interested in astronomy?” “Certainly not. I’ve always wanted to know the exact weight of Billie Burke.” —Birmingham Age-Herald. Such a Silliness!—“ Ever go fishing with a girl?” “Once.” Did she protest against hurting the fish? >. She said she was sure they were perfectly happy, because they were all wagging their tai Washington Star. Those Dear Girls Again—AM iss Mud- die—Do you know anything that is really good to preserve the complexion? Miss Knox—Why, dear? Are you in- interested in somebody who has one? Boston Transcript. Feminine Diplomacy — “Yes, I finally got rid of him,” she said, “with- out having to tell him in so many words that I never could learn to love him. I didn’t want to do that, because he’s an awfully nice fellow, and I should have been very sorry to cause him pain.” “How did you manage it?” her friend asked. “Why, you see, he’s subject to hay fever, so I decorated the house with golden rod whenever he sent word that he was coming.” ee comicbooks.com