Judge — July 6, 1918 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Second Lieutenant to a General. The Generals, having received all the boosts they can expect, give their time exclusively to the prosecution of in- telligent warfare. The Second Lieutenant, with a clear field ahead, is al- ways on a sharp lookout for salutes from the men and some good photog- rapher who hasn't been privileged to entertain, as yet, at asitting. Lieu- tenants are converted into Captains, Captains into Majors, Majors into Colonels, and so on, ad infinitum, But no mat- ter how high they go and how many stand _solici- tously beneath, there is always someone on a step higher up to be bothered about. Draw y JR Snaver Niece (from the city)—I've got her focussed, aunt Mary. In promotion, and the make her lay an egg? capability of the fatigue squads, rests the success of the Army. features the resignations would pour into the War Depart- ment so fast as to completely swamp the clerks there on duty. Without these two — this? Abbreviated “T beheld my entire life flashing before i of pic tures,” said the movie fan who had Leen saved * from drowning just as he was sinking for the third time. “But, blast it all, they rescued me too soon, and I shall never know how it came out in the last reel!” His Opinion Willis—What is your reason fcr buying Lib- erty Bonds? Gillis—Well, for one thing, I'd rather lend it to Uncle Sam than to my wife’s relatives. Won't you please Tough Luck ‘*Now, can you beat A soldier writes and asks me to marry him.” “What's the matter, girl?” “Name deleted by the censor.” Slackers: by Walt Mason “Uncle” Walt’s Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge \ MEET some slackers every day, as I pursue my misfit way; I view them with profound alarm, I feel they’re doing grievous harm. There’s Bilks, who doesn’t pay his debts; He stands around the Blue his obligations he forgets. Front store, and talks all day, and then some more; he tells us how the war should go, if we expect to whip the foe. He tells us, with a strident tongue, what he would do if he were young, how he would take his rusty gun and go abroad and pot the Hun, and shoot the everlasting works from all the Austrians and Turks. While with his jawbone thus he kills, he still neglects to pay his bills. The grocer, whom he owes for prunes, can’t get his needed picayunes, and so the grocer cannot buy of bonds a generous supply, or help the Red Cross cause along, with contributions good and strong. If Bilks and all his slacker clan would pay the urbane grocer man, the butcher and the clothier, too, there’d be much better times in view. There’s Jinks, the nuttiest of guys, who’s always He thinks he'll live a hundred years, and be as hearty as three steers, because he walks twelve miles a day, along a nicely measured way. In rain or shine he makes his hike, with vigor, talking “exercise.” dubs, he swings lard. Oh, there Drawn by E. Frours He Texts Us How tne War Suourn Go Iv We Exrect to Warp tue For outdoor exercise. up and down the pike; and at the gym, with other a lot of silly clubs. He says, “My thews are firm and hard, which used to be as soft as is nothing ’neath the skies, as good as ” Tf he would saw three cords of oak, instead of leaving trails of smoke along the rutty rural lane, we'd say that he is safe and sane. If he would pitch a load of wheat, instead of wearing out his feet along the dusty country pike, he’d be the sort of gent we like. The sort of work that doesn’t pay is merely labor thrown away; and wasted labor, in these times, takes rank with divers slacking crimes. I’d rather raise a Hubbard squash than walk from Charleston to Oshkosh. I’d rather raise a Sweitzer cheese than monkey withthehigh trapeze. I’d rather raise a good cigar than try the horizontal bar. The man of muscle shouldn’t brag unless he wields it for the flag. I see the slackers every day; I always find them in my way. And most of them, with lungs endowed, ofloyalty aretalkingloud. They gave two bits to win the fight; they eat corn bread instead of white; they walked a mile in some parade, and helped to buy pink lemonade. they’ve done to can the turgid, tiresome Hun, but never pause an hour to view the many things they do not do. They talk and talk of what +e Nee eee on comicbooks.com