Judge, 1918-07-06 · page 11 of 36
Judge — July 6, 1918 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
## "Suggested Rules for Future Warfare" This satirical article by Kenneth L. Roberts proposes absurd "rules" for warfare, mocking militarism and war itself. The humor lies in deliberately ridiculous proposals: armies limited to 25 members armed with Congressional Records and lemon pies, fights held in stadiums like sports events with paid admission, and profits donated to charity. The piece suggests that if warfare operated under such constraints—treating combat as entertainment or sport—its true absurdity would become obvious. It's anti-war satire disguised as practical reform. ## "The Arrival" Story This short narrative depicts a philosophical irony: a Man who spent his life pursuing Happiness never found it. Only by consciously *giving up* the pursuit does Happiness finally arrive. It's a commentary on the paradox that obsessive striving often prevents achievement. ## "Leave It to Our College Athletes" Cartoon The lower illustration, drawn by Zim, depicts college football players in exaggerated, chaotic action—appearing more violent and absurd than actual warfare. This reinforces the page's central joke: that modern sports (particularly college football) are themselves mock-battles, arguably as ridiculous as the proposed "future warfare."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Suggested Rules for Future Warfare By Kexwetu L. Rowerts ACH army shall be limited to E twenty-five members, inclusive of officers, commissary de- partment and buglers. It may, how- ever, carry a sufficient number of non-combatant doctors, barbers, pas- try cooks and shoe-shiners to ensure its comfort. Members of each army shall be chosen by popular vote from male de- scendants of the oldest and most un- popular families in the nation. Incase a nation possesses no old and unpopu- lar families, the army may be elected a from the largest mortgage holders, the Drazen by H. T. Hustep most persistent dog-haters, and the AT THE END OF IIS ROPE most reckless automobile drivers. Each soldier shall arm himself with a bound volume of the Congressional Record (to use as a portable fort and a weapon of offense at close quarters), one-half dozen storage eggs (for long-range throwing), and a lemon pie (for short-range throwing). On a declaration of war between two nations, their respective armies shall be escorted to a cement stadium erected for that purpose on the boundary-line between the countries, locked up inside it, and ordered to fight to a finish. PUTTING THE Bons, Spectators shall be admitted to the fight on paymert of $2 for seats between the five-yard lines, and of $1.50 for seats at either end of the stadium. Gate-money, as well as moncy received for popcorn, sand- wich, program and cigarette conces- sions, shall be divided equally be- tween the two nations giving the war, and devoted to charitable enterprises. Anybody caught betting on the fight shall be subject to ten dollars fine, or to having one of the armies throw lemon pies at him from a dis- tance of twelve feet. The Arrival ms | AM Happiness” said the stranger. “You have caused me more trouble than anything else in the world” said the Man. “All my life I have been searching for you, and never found you. I could not give you up. I was tormented by the thought of you. I have searched for you in vain. I could not dismiss you from my mind. You have been the cause of more unhappiness than anything else.” mello? ‘o-day I came to a great resolve. I resolved to forget you; to put you utterly out of my mind. It was hard to do this, but I did it. “I gave you up.” “Exactly” said Happiness, with a smile “That's why [am here.” OUR ImvinciOad REPT TACKLE ADvANe Costot Yeu, marauis oF Yow ! 5 yow! S| Goose MERRY Phe RULES, FB Z me Tey THE CELUGRATED CAME RUSH AND TICKLE HIM TO DEATH, <x Drawon by Zim ‘ an WAITS Sree Leave It to Our Cottece ATHLETES BTeP rnc & GERMAN c. comicbooks.com