Judge — June 22, 1918 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WORDS Is They? Who is responsible for the grammar of the King’s official proclama- tions? ‘Our will and pleasure is” doesn’t quite scan.—John Bull (London) . U-biquitous—Visitor—Personally, I don’t think much of the American method of spelling. Pretty hostess—Why not? Visitor—Well, take parlour, for in- stance. Having ‘‘u”’ in it makes all the difference in the world.”—London Tit- Bits. Points of Vantage—The Germans want to capture: Cerk for their bottles. Hull for their ships. Cannes for their garbage. Lyons for their menageries. Brest for their babies.—Town Topics. Satisfied—"‘The war is creating a great many new words.” “Yep,” replied the phlegmatic citi- zen. “You don’t seem particularly inter- ested.” “Nope. As long as my vocabulary is equal to the strain I put on it in express- ing my opinion of the Kaiser, I’m not going to worry about learning any new words.”"—Birmingham Age-Herald. | SLACKERS | Twins—Two hoboes met on a blind siding. One had been a salesman whose hours were 10a. m. tog p.m. The other one didn’t have any money either.—The Vagabond. Cornered—" The Southern women are doing their part,” said Governor Bickett. “The other day a slacker friend of mine went to see his girl Sally, who is an ardent patriot. Sally reminded him that all the boys had responded to the colors. Then she asked my slacker friend when he was going. The fellow looked into Sally’s eyes and saw the battle light there. ‘Why,’ he said, ‘why, Sally, er—er—I just came over to tell you goodby.’””— New York World. One Way Out—A retired army officer tells of an army examiner who had before him a very dull candidate. The man proving, apparently, unable to make re- sponse to the most simple questions, An “Object” Lesson “This little pig stayed at home.”—/ohn Bull (London). the examiner finally grew impatient and, quite sarcastically, put this ques- tion: “Let it be supposed that you are a captain in command of infantry. In your rear is an impassable abyss. On both sides of you there rise perpendicular rocks of tremendous height. In front of you lies the enemy, outnumbering you ten to one. What, sir, in such an emergency, would you do?” “I think, sir,” said the aspirant for military distinction, “I would resign.” — Harper's Magazine. | OPTIMISTS | Still, Thinking—“Still thinking of buying a little farm some day?” “O, yes,” replied the optimistic flat- dweller. “TI never stir the earth in my window boxes with a trowel that I don’t dream of the time when I will own a plot of ground large enough to produce a whole canful of angle worms.”—Brooklyn Citizen. Oh, You Springtime!—Love, as The Commercial A ppeal reminds us, makes the world go round. And when a fellow has an ingrowing attack he doesn’t give a hoop-pole whether she’s going round backward or forward as long as he can swap a dollar box of candy for a $11,000 smile.—Macon Daily Telegraph. Cause for Thanks—"I met a real optimist the other day,” said a physician, “a fellow to whom I certainly doff my hat. He had lost a leg in a railway acci- dent, and when they picked him up the first thing he said was: “«Thank God, it was the leg with the theumatism!’”’—Harper’s Magazine. Spain Also Adopts Daylight Saving “Alto! Por orden del ministro queda detenido sesenta menutos!” &, “Halt! By decree of the Government you are ordered to be detained sixty minutes.”— Esquella (Barcelona).