Judge — June 22, 1918 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A White Elephant Dealer——and as for speed, sir—why, with that there ’orse Corner at ‘arf-past five in the mornin’ and be in Richmond at six! you could leave Hyde Pa k Client—No—no, nothin’ doin’, my friend—nothin’ doin’. Dealer—Why, | thought you was keen on the animal? Client—Well, so I was, but—I say, you know—I wouldn't know what the dickens to do in Richmond at six o'clock in the morning!—Pasring Show (London). No Claim on Her—She looked a trou- blesome customer; at least, she gave the car-conductor that impression as she sat well back in her seat, gazing haughtily before her. “All fares, please! You'll have to pay for the boy, madam,” cried the conductor, pointing to a youngster who was seated beside the haughty lady. “TI shall do nothing of the kind,” snapped the lady, setting her teeth together. “You must. Come, no nonsense. Pay his fare.” “T shall not.” “Come, madam. Look at the boy. How old does he look?” “About ten years, I should think.” “And you won't pay his fare?” “Certainly not! I never saw him be- fore in my life.""—London Tit-Bits. Tan-talizing—Private Charles W. Alberts, of Taunton, Mass., who is sta- tioned at Camp Upton, applied yesterday for transfer from the 367th Infantry (colored). “What's asked. “Well, you see,” replied Charles, “the only trouble is that I’m not colored. I’ve been fishing a lot and got sunburned, that’s all.” —New York Tribune. the trouble?” his officer Nothing Extraordinary—An Ameri- can who recently visited London was sight-seeing on one occasion when a guide took him aboard the old battleship Vic- tory, which was Nelson’s flagship in sev- eral of his naval triumphs. The British sailor who was escorting the American over the vessel came to a raised brass tablet over the deck. As he did so he reverently-raised his cap and announced: “Ere, sir, is the spot where Lord Nelson fell.” Germanizing the World Ancora pitt sangue—per volontd del Kaiser ¢ del suo popolo. Still more blood—by the Kaiser’s wish and that of his people.—L’Asino (Rome). “Ts it?” asked the American, blankly. “Well, Iam not surprised. I nearly tripped over the thing myself.”—New York Evening Post. A Walking Wonder—A learned pro- fessor had the not uncommon scholastic failing of absent-mindedness. One day his married sister favored him for a long time with loud praises of her first-born. When she paused for breath at the end of her recital, the professor felt that it was incumbent upon him to say something. “Can he walk?” he asked, with affected interest. “Walk? Why, he’s been walking now for five months!” “Is that so?” murmured the professor, lapsing into reflection. ‘What a long way he must have gone!”—London Tit-Bits. An Oft-Told Tale—‘ What's going on here? “Some of Dubw arc holding a little “A birthday party “In away. They are commemorating the anni ‘y of Dubwaite’s favorite anecdote.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. ite’s facetious friends Must Have Heard It—That was a mighty clever retort you made, my dear,” said the lowbrow. “Who told you?” replied Miss Fri “T heard you say it.” “Yes, but who told you it was clever?” Illustrated Sunday Magazine. Nobody Would Have Known—‘I suppose the parents of young Lord Soft- pate must feel dreadfully cut up over his engagements to little Tottie Poser of the Gayety?” “Cut up! Why, say, if it wasn’t for Tottie nobody would ever have known that Softie had any parents.” —Clereland Plain Dealer. Too Slow—‘Hello, there, darling,” phoned Sallie. “Who is it?” asked Willie. And now he leads a lonely life and has to eat cold grub.—Roller Monthly. No Head for Business—“ What kind of fellow is your friend Jibway?” “Oh, a good sort, but very impracti- -al.”” baa Yes?” “Why, he’s the sort of fellow who would open a pressing ‘parlor’ in the Fiji Islands.” —Birmingham A ge-Herald. icbooks.com