Judge — June 8, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

af ¥, bx YOUNGSTERS A Surprise Party—“Where are you going, mamma?” “To a surprise party, dear.” “Can’t I go, too, and Archie and Edna?” “No, dear, you weren’t invited.” “Well, don’t you think they'd be lots more s’prised if you took us all?”—Buf- falo Commercial. Her Measure of Shame—Lit Til- dred was very fond of ripe olives, and her mother had to watch to see that she did not over-indulge. One day there was company, and Mildred managed to have the olive-dish stopped near her plate. After the meal her mother, pointing to the pile of pits on Mildred’s plate, asked: “How could you make such a pig of yourself? I should think you would be ashamed to see so many pits, and ashamed to have others see them.” Mildred hung her head and replied: “T was. That was the reason I threw all the rest of them on the floor.”— Harper's Magazine. Man's Superiority—Papa—See the spider, my boy, spinning his web. Is it not wonderful? Do you reflect that, try as he may, no man could spin that web? Johnny—What of it? See me spin this top. Do you reflect that, try as he may, no spider could spin this top?— Pearson's. Its Freshness Gone—Little Frances sat on the floor beside her mother’s chair, busily dressing her doll. “Please give me a pin, mother,” she said, and her mother handed her a pin from the cushion, not noticing that it was bent. “Oh, this is a wilted one, mother,” she exclaimed. “Can’t you give me a fresh one?” —Harper’s Magazine. a: Sax oO STN 7D | A Digest of the Worlds Humor i 4 The Wittiest Thoughts from the Prightest Minds =a The Puff Plutocratic Lé tabac devient rare et cher. Pour étaler sa rickesse, M. Noucoriche s'est fait faire un ‘The scarcity and costliness of tobacco give Mr. Newlyrich a chance to create a sensation with his five-cylinder cigar holder.—Le Péle- Méle (Paris). Told the Truth—“Ethel, can’t you tell us the shape of the world?” asked the teacher encouragingly. “Yessum; it’s in a pretty bad shape, just now,” replied the precocious child, who had heard her daddy say a few things at home.—Florida Times Union. Forcing the Murphies How to Open the Eyes of Seed Potatoes Before Sowing.—Bystander (London). aor / 2 a =aN | CAMOUFLAGE Mock Modesty—“ Why are you put- ting on so much rouge, dear?” “Oh, Jack is taking me to some revue or other, and I want him to think I’m blushing.” —London Opinion. A Camoufleur—A story is told by the dean of Carlisle. It concerns a clergy- man who, taking occasional duty for a friend in one of the moorland churches in a remote corner of Cumberland, was one day greatly scandalized on observing the old verger, who had been collecting the offer- tory, quietly abstract a half-crown before presenting the plate at the altar rails. After service he called the old man into the vestry and told him, with emotion, that his crime had been discovered. The verger looked puzzled. Then a sudden light dawned on him. “Why, sir, you doan’t mean that ould half-crown of mine! Why, I've led off with it this last fifteen year.”—Man- chester Guardian. How He Cooperated—Cornelius Van- derbilt tells this one: “At the Grand Central Station one young man was secing another off, when three very pretty girls got in the Pullman. “The departing young man was smitten by the three girls’ charms, and he muttered to his friend: “ ‘Look here, to oblige me, you know, won’t you put your head in at the door just as the train pulls out, and shout in a loud voice, “Then I’ll close the Fifth Avenue house, sir, and store the silver on the yacht.’”’ “The other chap agreed to do this, and the one smitten with the girls sat and waited for the thing to come to pass, his eyes fixed on their pretty faces. “Finally the whistle blew. The oblig- ing chap outside hopped up on the back platform, stuck his head in at the door, and yelled: “ ‘Hey, you, tell your boss if that suit of mine ain’t home Saturday night I won’t have it at all!’”—Detroit Free Press.