Judge — May 25, 1918 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘TABS” Send a Box to your Soldier Boy 5c. Fruit Tablets Packed Right Lime Tabs Lemon Tabs Clove Tabs Anise Tabs Orange Tabs Butter Tabs Assorted Tabs Eighteen 5c packages At your druggist for 90c, or send $1.00 and we will send it prepaid. The soldier cannot drink water. It disagrees with him. The English have found sour hard candy a ‘‘Godsend.”” 520 West 36th Street, New York City For twenty years “King of Caramel Makers" The End of a Perfect Pest By Oscar H. Rorsner HERE is one thing at least this war will do. And for it many of us lesser mortals will be truly thank- ful. And that is it will put an end at evening gatherings to the one-subject tourist pest who always remarks with an affected air of exalted superiority when any reference is made to Paris: “Ah, yes, Paris, a most charming city! I gas there in ’94, you know. I saw NWroteon's Tomb, visited the Luxembourg Gardens, walked under the Arch of Triumph, climbed the Eiffel Tower, rode across the Place de la Concorde, went all through Notre Dame, spent a day in the Louvre where I saw the Venus de Milo,” and so on through the remaining hours of the sad, gloomy and, so far as the other guests are concerned, spoiled evening. Now when the war is over should the verbose one-subject pest dare to launch forth on the favorite topic, the ears of said pest will hear instanter the squelching chorus: “Paris! aw, forget it; we've all been there!” Then the young women will add, “ Yes, we know all about it. We were nurses there in 1918”; and the young men, “We saw everything in the old burg. We wore the khaki there.” And with one long, melancholy, fare- well groan the perfect pest will collapse forthwith and subside silently into innocu- ous and lasting oblivion. Filmsy Excuse A film censor in England might be said to be the guy that takes the sin out of cinema. The Last Pacifist By Extis O. Jones T= race of Pacifists is fast disap- pearing from the face of the earth. They have departed by various routes. Many were Pacifists purely for political purposes. These scattered hither and thither pell mell. Many underwent a bona fide change of mind and heart because of the Kaiser and sundry gentry of the Kaiser’s ilk. Many kept their old minds, but are afraid to speak the said minds because of a natural respect for that well known first law of nature which is entitled “self-preservation.” Among those few remaining who still try to function normally in what they consider an abnormal world, there is no doubt a friendly rivalry (rivalry among pacifists could of course be nothing but friendly) as to who will hold out the longest, as to who will be the very last of all Pacifists, as to who will take his more or less distinguished place in his- tory’s pages as the final of all Pacifists to stand up and be knocked down. Spell- ing bees have always been run on that plan and spelling bees have always been popular and usually harmle And what we shall do with the bones of the said ultimate Pacifist is a proper subject of consideration by the rest of us, whether we shall turn them over to some eager Barnum or simply lay them away beneath the customary R. I. P. Determinedly Disconsolate Lorn Widow—The Judsons never call on me since my man died. I guess they were my friends only for his sake. Would-be-Comforter—Yes, but the Bradleys call oftener than ever before. Lorn Widow—Yes! I always said they never had any use for him! Real Charity Applaud the Good Samaritan! Cheer, cheer him twice and thrice! He gave the poor man oil and wine But offered no advice. A Recreant Rooter “Where were you during the baseball game? Had a girl with you; didn’t you?” “Yes, [ was whispering soft nothings to her.” “No wonder we lost. Whispering soft noth- ings, hey? When you should have been bawling rough stuff at the opposing team!” | Wall Nuts By JAMES MONTGOMERY FLAGG This clever picture, in fo! 1 o DEPARTMENT 228 FIFTH AVE. NEW YORK CITY