Judge — May 25, 1918 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

With the Gllege Wits Irrepressible, Joyous, “Statistics show that the army is picking up.” —Tiger. The Chronicles of Hoover 1. Remember that thou keep wholly the meatless day. Of fish, and all that move in the waters, except submarines and polywogs; 2. Of all manner of fowl such as flap their wings, and quack or cackle or coo; 3. Of these shalt thou eat in abundance; yea as much as is jolly well pleasant to eat: 4- But of cows, and all manner of things which bleat and moo, shalt thou not eat, and of them that have the hoof cloven and the curly tail, shalt thou not cat except sparingly, 5. Lest thy name be published abroad. 6. For it is not done in our set. Take heed lest a worse thing will befall thee, and thou, by having to pay fines, 7. Discover that thy last state is worse than thy first.—Lampoon. His Job 1.—Hello, George, old scout. I haven't seen you since we graduated back in ’92. Gee, you're still looking as tired as ever. I would never have known you if I hadn't heard that fellow say your name and if you hadn’t looked so over- worked. What are you doing now, George. 2.—Working my son’s way through college. — Medley. ROMEIKE’ PRESS CLIPPING BUREAU We will send you all newspaper clippings which may appear about you, your friends, or any on which you may want to be “up-to- E nd periodical of im- p States and Europe is searched. ‘Terms, $5.00 for 100 notices. HENRY ROMEIKE, 106-110 Seventh Ave., New York rrespousible By Their Stripes Ye Shall Know Them When the donkey saw the zebra He began to switch his tail; “Good night!” he said, with frightful mien, “There's a horse that’s been in jail.” —Awgwan, His Object Lowbrow—I'm going to buy a restaurant. is there any money in it? Nope. But there are some fine waitresses. —Panther, How Distributed “All Gaul was divided into three parts,” tributed among cub reporters, mi tant suffragettes and German propagandists,” added the cheerful idiot.—IWidow. What Father Said “T told father I loved you more than any other girl I've ever met.” “And what did your father s. “He said to try and meet some more girls.” Widow. Obvious Art gazer—I can’t hand that Venus de Milo statue a thing. Attendant—And if she were alive she couldn’t hand you a thing.—Sun Dial. Her Solicitude He (soulfully)—There are a thousand stars tonight looking down upon you. She—Is my hat on straight? —Awgwan, The Lion Tamer There had been a time when head waiters quaked with fear when he told them that the | soup was cold and that the steak was under- | done: : : at Cc Rich Cuban Cigars 5 iver orbtampe: Limbed leusctory ake Send today, FRENCH TOBACCO CO., Dept. E, Statesville, N.C. Look and Wear Like Diamonds ay) Brilliancy guaranteed 25 years. Will - ae. Stand acid and fire tests 14-K solid gold eS ring. pin or mond mount= i9@ ecat for Free Examination, joney in Advance. Wote today for special prices and free catalog, WHITE VALLEY GEM CO., Mig. Jewelers 828 Wulsin Building indianapolis, Indiana She Won Her Case Judge Roberts was up against a tough proposition. Mandy, an old black servitor of the family who had retired from active service, vas up before the Judge for disturbing the peace. “Good mawnin’, Jedge.” “Good morning, Mandy. Mandy, I am very sorry to see you up here and I want to know if it is true that you hit Susie Jones with aflat iron.” “Yessa, Jedge, I hit her. Maw “Now Mand “Lordy, that man sho’ dolook like his paw!”’ “See here, Mandy ia “Honey, you sho’ is gettin’ better lookin’ every day.” “Order in Court.” “Jedge is yo’ paw still got the rheumatiz?” “Prisoner is discharged. Next case.” “Thankee, Jedge, thankee.” Jedge how is yo’ Cheese It! ‘The Grd German Offensive. —Lam pon. WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SOME simple thing to patent? _ Protect your Kdeas,‘they may bring fou wealth. Write for “Needed Tnventions” and “How to Get Your Patent and Your Money.” Randolph & Co., Patent Attorneys, Dept. 129, Washington, D. C. Two years later, as he sat beside his wife he nibbled his burnt toast and said nothing.— Gargoyle. eo e ith Cuticura