Judge — May 25, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MALE CREATURES| He Opened Her Eyes—The stranger was ushered into the society palm- ist’s presence. “Ah, you wish my aid?” id the great sceress. “Well, madam,” said the visitor, “in a way I do, You see, I’ve just called—” “Certainly, I know all about it. Just sit here. Ah, I see you have met with various disappointments lately.” “Quite true,” interrupted the caller. “Hush! Let me go on. Something which you have written for and striven hard to get has eluded you time and again.” “Right you are, tim. “But patience. tained in the near future. yours.” “I’m sure I’m very glad to hear it, madam,” said the subject as he flourished a blue paper. “I’ve called five times with the gas bill. It’s a good thing I’m to get it at last.”—Pittsburgh Chronicle- Telegraph. murmured the vic- Your end will be at- Success is Brute—It was visiting day at the hos- pital. The visitors were mostly old ladies, and one of them stopped at the bed of a Tommy and asked him a ques- tion he had been asked a score of times before, thus: “How did you come to be wounded, my brave fellow?” “By a shell, mum,” replied hero. “Did it explode?” queried the lady. “No,” answered Tommy, rather bored; “it crept up and bit me!” —Tit-Bits, the Making a Clean Breast of It—The other day I received a letter I was particularly anxious to keep, as I wanted to refer to it. This morning I wanted it, and could not find it. Adelaide said she hadn’t seen it, and Victoria said the same; women always stand together in a con- troversy with a man. Then I ransacked the house; and finally found it in my pocket. I had put it away carefully, and forgotten where I put it. 1 often do this, but always confess it to Adelaide, and laugh at myself. Adelaide is particularly good at finding things I lose. A good many years ago, I was robbed on the battle-field of Water- loo by buying a bullet said to have been fired in the battle. At home, not long ago, I wanted the bullet, to show to some callers to whom I was talking tiresomely about my travels. I had put the bullet After the Air Raid L'Espion Bocke—Maigre résultat, décidément! 10 Gothas ne valent pas un bolchevik! German Spy—Pretty slight results, | must say. Ten bombing planes aren’t worth one Bolshevik!—La Victoire (Paris). away before Adelaide was born, but she went and found it; she had run across it, in cleaning up, and remembered where she had seen it. So when Adelaide cannot find anything I have lost, I know I have it in my pocket.—E. IW. Howe’s Monthly. The One Excuse SD SF PRP “Come pué far tanto lusso?” “Causa la guerra.” “E allora perché non si sposa?” Causa la guerra.” “Ma percké non va alla fronte?” “Causa la guerra.” “Why is he so flush nowadays?” “Because of the war.” “Then why doesn’t he get married?” Because of the war.” “And why doesn't he go to the front?” “Because of the war."—Numero (Turin). BOOBS Transferred— Mr. Rattlepate put down his teacup and for the fifth time remarked to his hostess: “Well, I must be going.” “Don’t let me keep you, Mr. Rattle- pate, if you must go,” said his hostess, hopefully. “Yes, I really must go,” said Rattle- pate. “But, believe me, Mrs. Bearit, 1 do enjoy a little chat with you. Do you know, I had quite a headache when I came here, but now I’ve entirely lost it “Oh, it isn’t lost,” said Mrs. Bearit, patiently; “I’ve got it now.” —Tit-Bits. Better Use Both—Jom—I am look- ing for a small man with one eye. Jack—Well, if he is very small I think you had better look for him with two eyes.—Boy’s Life. Very Careful—Two men about town were discussing an acquaintance of both. “I cannot understand how he can drink so much tea,” remarked one. “He got away with fourteen saucers full.” “What? Fourteen saucers full?” asked his friend. “What do you mean? Doesn’t he use a cup?” “No,” said the first man suavely. “He is afraid the spoon will get in his eye.” —Boston Globe. comichooks.