Judge — May 25, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| BRIDES | Cautioned— Young mistress — Your master thinks cook ought to boil our drinking water. Tell her to start today. Maid—Yes'm. Young mistress—And tell her to be sure not to burn it.—London Opinion. Newly-wed Wisdom—‘Hello! Is this you, mother, dear?” “Yes, Sue? What is it? Something awful must have happened for you to call me up at this——” “It’s not so awful. But, John, dear, hasn’t been feeling well and the doctor gave him pills to take every four hours. I’ve been sitting up to give them to him, and now it’s about time for the medicine, but John has fallen asleep. Should I wake him?” “T wouldn't if I were you. What is he suffering from?” “Tnsomnia.”"—St. crat, Louis Globe-Demo- Deceit—The groom—By Jove, I was frightfully rattled. The bride—And you acted so cool and collected. Oh, Jake, how could you begin deceiving me even at the altar?—Boston Globe. Another Good Way—Another good way for the bride to tell when the honey- moon is over is to notice when he begins kissing her like she was hot soup.— Galveston News. ~ Points of View “Et elles sont toutes aussi jolies que cous dans le pays?” “J'sais pas, je regarde jamais que les garcons.” “And are all the girls here as pretty as Don't know. I never look at anybody but the boys.”—Ruy Blas (Paris). What It Meant—“ John, dear,” said the trusting bride, “what does this mean? ‘Mudhorse—8 to 1°?” “That?” said the young husband. hat? Oh, that’s the relic of a lost race.”” “Why, John, you’re most wonderful. You never breathed a word to me about your being an archeologist!”—Mile- Stones. A Big Inducement Dramatic dgent—Yes, old man, the part is get real food in the banquet scene without a il Lae pretty rotten and the money’s poor—but you rations coupon.—London Opinion. AUTOS | His Car—Redd—Are you afraid of snakes? Greene—Well, I must confess I’m a little afraid of a rattler. “Oh, I’m not talking about your car!” —Yonkers Statesman. Not Heroic—The motorist upset his car to save a little girl. “Oh, well,” said the cynic, “maybe it was a last year’s car.” —Buffalo Express. Mutuality—‘I’d rather drive than eat!” exclaimed the motor fan. “But what does your wife say about ite” “Oh, she'd rather ride than cook; so we get along fine.””—Milestones. Absence of Mind—One hears a great deal about the absent-minded professor, but it would be hard to find one more absent-minded than the dentist, who said, as he applied a tool to his auto- mobile. ‘Now this is going to hurt just a little.”—Harper’s Magazine. Proud of the Performance—“See here,” bawled the motorcycle policeman, “you were going fifty miles an hour in that car of yours and I’ve been chasing you for blocks.” “Are you sure I was making fifty miles an hour.” “Of course. I timed you.” “Have a cigar, and let me shake your hand.” “Do you think you can bribe me?” “Certainly not. You will understand my feelings when I tell you this is a second-hand car and I bought it only yesterday.”—Birmingham A ge-Herald. Extravagant—Ted—I hear he is very extravagant. Ned—Is he? Why, he had a plumber repair his auto.—St. Louis Globe-Demo- crat. Bunyan Up to Date—Teacher—Now, do you know what Christian did when he came to Hill Difficulty? Pupil—Sure! He threw her into high. —Boston Transcript. The Ungallant Summons—“In the olden days a gentleman used to call upon a lady with much formality and stately ceremony.” “Well?” “Now he merely dri for her to come out.” ‘s up and honks