Judge, 1918-05-25 · page 14 of 36
Judge — May 25, 1918 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of Judge's early-20th-century humor: **"A Hunchfest"** presents cynical observations on human nature—politicians, gender relations, fashion, and pacifists. A cartoon shows someone "camouflaging" a mule by adding an extra tail so the Germans ("Boches") won't know which direction it's going. This references WWI-era military deception tactics, satirizing both wartime absurdity and the resourcefulness of soldiers. **"The Young Financier"** is a brief joke where a four-year-old tricks her grandfather into trading a penny for a nickel—depicting precocious childhood cunning. **"The Contrary World" by Walt Mason** uses ironic verse to mock a fat man's exercise regime. Despite doctors' orders to walk, he's constantly interrupted by friends offering car rides, then abandoned when he actually needs one after his nine-mile journey leaves him exhausted and sore. It satirizes both the contradiction between modern convenience and health advice, and the fickle nature of friends. The "Argument" section uses racist dialect to depict two Black men debating furniture ownership—period stereotyping common in Judge.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A Hunchfest By Sreicktann Gituitan F public life doesn’t cure ] a man of swelled head, the swelled head will eventually cure him of pub- lic life. A man dotes on a woman who will make over him, but would run miles to es- cape a woman who would make him over. No feminine clothes are too thin on the coldest day, and none too thick on the hottest day, if said clothes are new and stylish. If the peace-talker isn’t in the pay of Prussia, he is as much of a failure in a business way, as he is in citizenship. He is a sucker for doing, without pay, what the Kaiserists would cheerfully and liberally pay him for. Some people are cursed with minds that have a low road-clearance and a fondness for ruts. This makes their engines drag and stall frequently and have to be dug out or towed home. Drawn by J. N. Lyxv “Hey! What are you doing to that mule?” “Me? Oh, I’m camouflagin’ him. tail so the Boches won't know whether he’s comin’ or goin’.”” Everyone should give till it hurts, but tightwads are permitted a liberal ex- tension of time after the pain sets in. The Young Financier HIS is how little (four year old) Helen put one over on her Grandpa who had just given her a penny. Grand pa—And now, Helen, what are you going to do with your penny? Helen—I am going to buy a nickel with it. Have you got one that you will scll me for it, Grandpa? Grandpa dug down and produced the nickel, but did I'm ¢ ‘ not ask any more questions. in’ him an extra Argument Mose and Sam were having a wordy argument as to who had the most furniture. “Huh,” said Sam, scornfully, “let me tell you one thing, niggah, when Ah moves Ah has to do something besides poah wattah on the fiah and call de dogs.” The Contrary World: éy Walt Mason “Uncle Walt’s” Exclusive Weekly Message to Judge SAID, “I'll walk some parasangs; the docs have boned me with harangues, explaining that I weigh too much, and ought to walk, to beat the Dutch. So I will take their sage advice, and see if walking puts up ice; I’ll see if walking round the earth will mod- ify my ample girth.” Before I'd hoofed it very far Bill Jinks came up with his new car. ‘Get in,” he said, “and take a ride; you are too fat to hit that stride. Get in and take a jaunt with me, and we shall scorch along the lea, and burn up priceless gasoline, and kno. the speed laws cold, I ween.” I said to him, “Oh, Bill, avaunt! On foot today I take my jaunt. The doctors say a fat man dies unless he eats up exercise; so take your cheap tin car away, and let me hit the grit, I pray And every time I walked a block, some fellow drove up in his crock, and cried, “Oh, beefy bard, get in! I'll take you fora little spin!” And I’d explain to him again how I must walk six miles or ten. And so I pushed my- self along, my resolution good and strong. I walked nine miles from town, I wot, and I was tired and sore — ee SS NY (FN say y “T Sai to Him, ‘On, Birt, Avaunt! Drawn by E. Frours and hot. And when I homeward turned my face, the distance seemed a rank disgrace. “Ods-fish!” I sighed, “1 hope some jay will bring his car along this way, and offer me a ride to town, for am lame and beaten down. But there was not a boat in sight to help me in my fearful plight. Oh, all the choo- choo things were sped, and all the auto fans were dead. Recalling it, my brainpan bursts—I had to walk the whole nine versts. And that’s the way things go, my friend, in this sad vale through which we wend. When I am flush, says Banker Fish, “Come in and borrow: what you wish. We have all kinds of coin on hand, and all of it’s at your command. Just sign a note and you may draw more money than you ever saw.” When I am broke I tackle gents in vain to borrow fifty cents. The banker shoos me from his door and tells me to come back no more. And even uncle shows his ire when I drop in to soak my lyre. The things you do not want you get; the things you want slip by, you bet. Ox Foor Topay I Take My Jaunt’” comicbooks.com