Judge — May 18, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Campfire Boys in Ancient Gaul YW , NG! 4 Vi “On n'est pas mal ici, mais ca manque de distractions.” “Crest dommage que le tabac ne soit pas ene core inventé!” “Pretty comfortable here, but I wish we had some diversion.” “Yes; it’s a shame tobacco hasn’t been invented yet."—La Baionnette (Paris). | LAW and LAWYERS | His Opening—In Mississippi they tell of a young lawyer retained to defend a man charged with the theft of a pig. The young man seemed determined to convince the jury that he was born to shine, and accordingly he delivered the following exordium: “May it please the court and gentle- men of the jury, while Europe is bathed in blood; while classic Greece is strug- gling for her rights and liberties, and trampling the unhallowed altars of the beardless infidels to dust; while the United States, entering the war, shines forth the brightest orb in the political sky—I, with due diffidence, rise to defend the cause of this humble hog thief.”— Case and Comment. Curiosity—While a suit was being tried a woman in the case persisted in com- menting loudly on each answer given by a witness. The judge repeatedly directed her to keep quiet, but she went on audi- bly contradicting the witness. Finally the judge said: “Madam, the Court demands that you remain quiet. Unless you do so, you will be held in contempt.” Giving the judge a savage look, the woman turned to her attorney and in- quired: “Who is that guy that’s buttin’ in all the time?”—Pittsburgh Post. He Would Quit—Senator John W. Smith of Maryland recently recalled the following story to illustrate the “great drought of some legal arguments”: Some time since a rather youthful lawyer had a case in which he wished to make a hit, and to that end he looked up authorities that took him back to the days of Julius Casar. At the end of an hour and a half he was pained to observe what looked like inattention on the part of the court. Ap- parently the judge was not appreciating the fine points of his arguments. ‘Your honor,” said he, pausing in his plea and turning to the bench, “I beg your pardon, but are you following me?” “T have so far,” answered the judge, wearily shifting about in his chair, “but if I thought that I could find my way back I would quit right here.” —Argonaut. Fixes His Own Rates—“ A lawyer is always willing to bear the burdens of others,” observed the sage. “Yes,” commented the fool, “but he will fix his own freight rates.” —Milwau- kee Sentinel. True Superiority Mapame Novvoricue—Encore des folies, nest! Je te cois une belle épingle de cravate. Combien Tas-tu payée? Moxsieur Novvoricur—Je n’en sais rien. Quand j'ai envie d'une chose, ce serait déshonorant pour moi de demander le prix avant de commander (object. Mrs. Newlyrich—My! Ernest, that’s a fine in you have there! How’ much did it Mr. Newlyrich—Haven’t the slightest idea. You don’t suppose I'd bother with a vulgar detail like asking the price of a thing before charging it!—Le Péle-Méle (Paris). Another Solomon—“It’s my cor- net,” George T. McCrudden told the judge in the Gilbertville, N. Y., police court recently. “Isn’t either. It’s mine,” asserted Frederick Chandler. “Well, if it’s yours, let’s hear you play it,” his honor suggested, whereupon George took a deep breath, pursed up his lips, and began manfully. “Thirty days,” quoth the judge briefly when order had been restored, “and for heaven’s sake somebody take that cornet away from him and give it to Mr. Chandler.”—New York Tribune. Holding Him to His Word—‘“I thought you said when we began this case in court,” said the lawyer, “that it wasn’t the money you were after but the principle of the thing.” “TI did say that, but what of it?” “Do you still feel that way about it?” “Of course I do.” “Well, in that event, since we have just won a splendid victory, I’ll keep the money the jury awarded you, and you may have the verdict.”—Detroit Free Press. The Judge’s Wit—It appears that one day while Justice Darling was trying a case he was disturbed by a young man who kept moving about in the rear of the court, lifting chairs and prying under seats. “Young man,” exclaimed the learned judge at last, “you are making a good deal of unnecessary noise. What are you doing?” “M’lord,” replied the offender, “I have lost my overcoat and am trying to find it.” “Well,” came the witty reply, “people often lose whole suits in here without making all that fuss.”—Pearson’s Weekly. A Pertinent Point—‘‘Why do you ask for another trial? Your client took the money.” ° “On the grounds of newly discovered evidence, your honor. Something I can put on the stand.” “Of what nature?” “I didn’t know he had a pretty wife.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Russian National Dance Nationaltanz—Finale. The final flourish.—Nebelspalter (Zurich.) |