Judge — May 18, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Light Rations The Dentist’s Troubles—The den- tist has his troubles. After working on a woman who had an extravagant coiffure to impede his progress and handicap his manipulations, Dr. Pullem (right name withheld by ad- vertising department), sighed his relief and motioned for her to arise. The woman pulled herself together, looked into a mirror, and then again seated herself in the chair. “T am all through with your teeth,” the dentist told her. “T know,” the woman answered, “but aren’t you going to fix up my hair?”— Youngstown Telegram. No Judge of Paintings—The fourth Earl of Chesterfield was on one occasion at a grand assembly in France where Voltaire was one of the guests. Suddenly Cause for Grief — Parson — Cheer up, sister; your husband is now in heaven. Widow (sobbing)—Yes, and so is his first wife, whom he fairly idolized.—New York Globe. Was He Nervous?—Edith—I have just refused to marry Mr. Shyman. Ethel—Oh, did he propose? Edith—Well, I can’t say positively, but that is how I construed his incoherent remarks.—Boston Transcript. The Complete Soldier “Early to bed and early to rise Makes a man healthy, and wealthy, and wise”: And the truth of this Early Victorian motto We soon shall discover, because we have got-to!—The Bystander (London). the French writer accosted his lordship with the words: “My lord, I know you are a judge. Which are the more beautiful, the English or the French ladies?” “Upon my word,” replied Chester- field, with his usual presence of mind. “I am no judge of paintings.” —Argonaut. “Vous aurez bien un petit coin d me lower. Je ne suis pas bien encombrant.” _ “I say, old chap, haven’t you a tiny comer _—_—_—— _———————_ ———— - SE [ DARKIES His Dependent—* So you want to get exempted. Have you any one dependent on you?” “Oh, yaas, sah, suah, sah. My wife, she depends on me, sah, to carry her wash home, sah.”—Baltimore American. The Best Policy—‘‘Well, Henry,” said the judge, “I see you are in trouble again!” é “Yessuh,” replied the negro. “De las’ time, Jedge, you rec’lect, you was mah lawyuh.” “Where is your lawyer this time?” “Tain’t got no lawyuh dis time,” said Henry. “Ah’s gwine to tell de troof.”— Harper's Magazine. Had a Call—A colored man_ in Philadelphia requested his employer to release him so that he could go south. “What do you want to go for, Lafay- ette?”” “Cos I’se called to a church down dar.” “Called to a church? What are you going to be?” “T’se goin’ to be sumfin. I dunno whedder I be de pasture or de sextant or de vestureman, but I’se going to be sumfin.”—New Success. in your house where you can put me up?”— The Clerk’s Excuse—“It takes youa — Le Péle-Méle (Paris). long time to sell that lady a cage for her parrot.” Taken Seriously — “Some people “I’m doing the best I can,” said the about here must take newspaper talk clerk. seriously,” remarked the weather man. “Our stock is large. Can’t you suit “What’s wrong?” asked his assis- her?” tant. “T think I could suit her, but she’s try- “A woman called me up just now ing to get the parrot to make a selection.” and gave me the dickens for letting it —Louisville Courier-Journal. rain.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. The Bigger Point of View Chufiles’ patent magnifying plate attachment makes the portion look double its size and sets the diner in a good humor.—London Opinion.