Judge — May 11, 1918 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| ANCESTRY | Only Vone Father—Gus Peterson ha skal having awfule arguments vith vone of these har I. W. W. fallers and ha mak dis faller look lak 2 cent peaces. Dis Gus ha hav cupple drenks of viskey under his belts and ha yust lak tu start sum ting, so ha ven down by Vashington streets and dis I. W. W. ha vas talking from empty soaps box. Gus edge close up to hem and start tu ask qvestion. The I. W. W: poke fun at Gus and they passing sum vords back and fourth. “Yu bane hal for faller on talk,” Gus say, “but Ay ain’t tank yu care much for fighting.” “Ay cum from fighting stock,” the I. W. W. faller say. ly forefathers cum tu dis country on Mayflower. Vat did your forefathers aver du?” “ Ay never have but vone father,” Gus say, “and Ay ain’t care if yu got father. Go git ‘em and Ay skal lick the hole darn family.” —Washington State Weekly. His Ancestors—He was always boast- ing about his ancestors, and one day employed a genealogist to hunt them up. In due time the connoisseur of pedigrees returned, and was cordially received by his patron. “So you have succeeded in tracing back my ancestors? What is your fee?” “Two hundred dollars.” “Isn’t that high?” objected the pa- “What's it for?” Principally,” responded the geneal- ‘for keeping quiet about them.”— Hazy Genealogy—‘I can trace my descent in a direct line from one of the early kings of England,” she said. “Which one?” he asked. “T don’t recall the name. What kings did England have?"—Springfield (O.) News. An Academic Question—“Scient- ists are not fully agreed as to whether we are descended from monkeys, or mon- keys are descended from us,” said Mr. Twobble. “Let them fight it out among them- selves,” replied Mr. Dubwaite, calmly. “T can trace my lineage back 200 years and during that time none of my ances- tors lived in a tree and ate cocoanuts for dinner. That satisfies me. If I’m re- lated to a monkey, the relationship isn’t close enough to worry about.””—Birming- ham Age-Herald. Medical officer (assi talion)—Do you think you are fit for really hard labor? Hard Case—Well, sir, some of. the best judges have thought 'so.—Passing Show (London). A Bit of Persiflage—Alden (showing heirlooms)—Here’s a faded old document that was written on board the Mayflower. It’s a receipt given by Thomas Dudley to my ancestor for two pounds which he had borrowed before they started. Atkins—Ah! Then your ancestor came across on the Mayflower in two senses. Alden—Yes, he really had the distine- tion of being the first settler.—Boston Transcript. Playing Himself—Patience—Harry says he’s going to be a singing comedian. Patrice—A what? Patience — A_ singing comedian — a funny singer, you know. Patrice—Oh, well, he’s that, all right.— Yonkers Statesman. He Wanted to Know—“ Did you tell Miss Green that it was a dinner you were inviting her to?” “Of course.” “But she brought her music? How did she get the notion we might be giving a concert, too?” —Dayton Herald. Fixing It—‘What are you playing there, Slambangski?”” “A sonata I have just composed. I call it ‘Slambangski’s Celebrated Son- ata.’” “How can it be celebrated if it has just been composed?” “Perhaps it isn’t. But it is just as well to give a composition a good name at the start.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. The Voice at a Discount—Fred— There seems to be a lot more fuss made over Miss A’s singing than over Miss B’s, and I’m sure Miss B has the richer voice. Tom—Ah, yes, but Miss A has the richer father.—Boston Transcript. The Way His Thoughts Are Running Paks e hens De Durtscne prit-serceant—Kijk recht coor je uit, Oostenrijk! Eén—twéé! Eén—twéil Alléén op mij letten! German drillmaster—Eyes front, there, Austria! Keep in step! One! Two! One! Two! Watch me, I tell you!—De Amsterdammer (Amsterdam). comicbooks.com