Judge — May 11, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Joys of Marketing in Berlin “Herr Wacktmeister, ich mochte mir irgend:co Bananen kaufen, wie geh ich da wohl am in?" Da jehn Se am besten riber nach ’m Bahnhof, setzen sich in ’n Balkanzug und fakren nach Konstantinopel, da soll't noch welche jeben!” “Officer, I'd like to buy some bananas. Where had I better go for them?” “Go right to the depot, miss; take a Bal- kan express and ride as far as Constantinople. There ought to be a few left. there.”—Der Brummer (Zurich, Stvitzerland). | ABERRATIONS | All Crazy—In western Georgia a jury recently met to inquire into a case of sui- cide. After sitting through the evidence the 12 men retired, and after deliberating returned with the following verdict: “The jury are all of one mind—tem- porarily insane!”—Case and Comment. A Sure Sign—Jim McKay’s baby is beginning to talk already, and it can’t be much more than six months old. At any rate, one of Jim’s friends says he sat alongside of Jim in a light-lunch café the other day and overheard Jim say, ab- sent-mindedly, to the waitress: ‘“‘Dimme a jinky water p’case.”—Philadelphia Evening Ledger. Gay Youth—“I understand your boy went through college with flying colors.” “You might put it that way,” answered Mr. Cobbles, thoughtfully. “‘Aren’t you proud of him?” “Not particularly. He wore the loud- est socks, shirts and neckties of any boy in his class and his hatbands positively hurt my eyes.” —Birmingham A ge-Herald. Otherwise, Both Were Right—The visitor was being conducted through a state institution for the insane and his guide was an affable young man from the harmless ward whose keen intelligence made the visitor wonder why he was under restraint. Stopping in front of a padded cell they looked at a stout, short individual with a forelock draped over one eye and a pose characteristically Napoleonic. “Thinks he’s the Little Corporal, eh?” the visitor asked of the guide. “Yes; he’s had that hallucination for five years.” Across the corridor in another cell was an old man poring over a number of biue- prints. The Snob of the Circus “Dat plebs!” Periscoped above the madding crowd.—, De Nieuwe Amsterdammer (Amsterdam). “What’s the matter with him?” “Poor chap,” laughed the guide, “he thinks that he has invented a submarine- proof ship. The hull of the ship is honey- combed with holes; when the war-head of the torpedo strikes, it goes into one of the holes and is held fast by its sides.” “But,” objected the visitor, “suppose the torpedo strikes between the holes?” “In that case,” said the guide as he shook with laughter, “it wouldn’t count and the submarine would be entitled to another try.” In the last cell was a middle-aged man at a high desk. He looked up as the others approached and nodded smilingly. “What's the matter with him?” quer- ied the visitor. “Him? He’s hopeless; he believes that he isan authority on Income Tax legislation.” “Ah,” said the visitor, ‘and he isn’t?” “No, indeed!” replied the guide; “I am the only authority.”—The Kant Slip. Absent-Minded Beggar— “What's wrong with the boss?” “You know he has been in the habit lately of going to a manicure parlor. You hold your hand in a little bowl of water, I believe.” “T know.” “Well, the minute the new stenog- rapher seated herself at his desk, he dipped his hand into the ink well.”— Kansas City Journal. EDUCATIO Its Utility—* Do you think a classical education helps a man?” “Surely. It helps him to forget his own troubles by thinking about those of the Greeks and Romans.”—Brooklyn Citizen. His Status—‘Since your son came home from college I suppose he is strong for all kinds of uplift stuff?” “Well, he is strong for raising a rumpus but never makes any effort to try to help lift the mortgage off the house.”— Florida Times-Union. We Received Some on Our Birthday “Que ha pasado en la fabrica?—Que ha habido un incendio; pero empezo junto al al- macen de tabaco, y como este es incombustible, no pudo propagarse el fulgo.” “What happened at the tobacco factory? Why, a fire broke out, and when the flames reached the store-room containing those fa- mous Flor de Guano stogies, three firemen were overcome.”—Blanco y Negro (Madrid).