Judge — May 11, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IRISHISMS | Hard on Norah—Norah was a new servant girl in the employ of the Browns, and hardly had she been twenty-four hours on the job before she had the mis- fortune to drop a piece of roast beef on the floor. Roast beef that has been used as a mop becomes just a little bit gritty to the taste, so Norah thought it the part of wisdom to consign it to the garbage can. “T think, Norah,” remarked Mrs. Brown, rambling into the kitchen later in the day, “that we will have some of that roast beef, cut cold for supper.” “Sure, an’ Oi’m sorry, ma'am,” re- sponded Norah, contritely, “but the cat got it when Oi wasn’t lookin’.” “The cat got exclaimed the mis- tress. “What cat? “Jay whizz, ma’am!” rejoined Norah, considerably concerned. “Ain’t there no cat?”—Philadelphia Bulletin. Pat's Sharp Shave—The unconquer- able Pat, being one day in town, found his way into a barber’s shop to get a shave. As it was near dinner time and the barber was feeling the gnawings of hunger, he be- came rather hasty over the job and was unfortunate in inflicting several cuts on both of Pat’s cheeks. The shave being That Once a i an O Ixctez—Que diabo de politica é a sua? O Russo—F’ a mais logica. Eu contintio na minka missdo de compressor: ando um pouco é frente ¢ um pouco atraz. Tommy—What the deuce is your policy? The Toothpick King Succumbs to the H. C. of L.* Complétement rui quais des cure-dents.” *No, not “Living” but Baionnette (Paris). Lumber.—La concluded Pat arose and, approaching a table on which was a glass of water, he took a mouthful and rocked his head from side to side. “Anything the matter?” asked the barber. “Not much,” came Pat’s reply. was only just trying to find out whether my mouth would still hold water with- out leaking.” —Pittsburgh Chronicle-Tele~ graph. famous Steam-Roller Tean—The most logical one, as you see. I keep on going backward with my steam-roller. It works so much easier that way.—d Careta (Rio de Janeiro). His Challenge—There was recently hailed into court a small Irishman to whom it was a new experience. But he was unabashed. “Prisoner at the bar,” called out the clerk, “do you wish to challenge any of the jury?” “Well,” returned the Irishman, ‘“Oi’m not exactly in trainin’, but Oi think Oi could go a round or two with that fat guy in the corner.”—Harper’s Magazine. Rather Damp Job—While in London on a holiday, a visitor went to have a look at the Thames. There was a steam- shovel at work out in the river and he was standing watching it. Suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned round to find a son of Erin standing there. “Say,” said he, “isn’t London a wonderful place? By gorry, now just look at that thing goin’ down there; now, look at it, isn’t that wonderful? But say, old man, I wouldn’t want to be the cove at the bottom filling that thing up, would ye?”—London Observer. EFFICIENCY The Old-Fashioned Way — The young hopeful of four years had been a source of continual vexation and trouble all through the meal, and at its fi woman friend turned to the child's mother and said: “If your boy belonged to me I shouldn’t stand so much of his nonsense at meal-times. I should give him a thrashing.” “But,” said the mother, “you can’t spank the poor little fellow on a full stomach.” “No,” said her friend, “but you can turn him over.”—Pittsburgh Chronicle Telegraph. Our Perseverance Required—‘“ How did you learn to skate?” a little boy was asked. “Oh,” was the innocent but significant answer, “by getting up every time I fell down.” —Christian Register. » Successful Performance — “What did she say when you told her you had never kissed another girl?” “She thought a moment and said if I was telling her the truth, it must also be true that some people are born with an aptitude for doing certain things well.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. comicbooks.com