Judge — May 11, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| FOOD | Merely Guideposts—A well known anker in a downtown restaurant was ating mush and milk. What's the matter,” friend. “Got dyspepsi “Don’t you enjoy your meals?” “Enjoy my meals?” snorted the indig. nant dyspepti ly meals are merely guideposts to take medicine before and after.” —Knoxville Sentinel. inquired a Test for the Cheerful Man—The latest kind of war-soup with which we have had anything to do personally is made of one potato, one onion, one pinch of salt, and a vast volume of water, but under such circumstan man who tries to be pleasant and cheerful around the house can alw good and hot!” Well, this is Consideration — Farmer Hawbuck, who never had been any too considerate about bringing the livestock in before dark, kept arriving at the corral later and later each evening. Finally his wife's tience began to bre Hiram,” she exclaimed, “it takes you twice as long to drive in the pigs as it used to.” “T know it,” replied Farmer Hawbuck. “You wouldn't expect me to speak h: to a lot of critters worth $50 api would you?” —Buffalo Courier. Another Frankenstein monster of his own creation will destroy him. (Germany is suggesting mutual cessation of air raids and gas attacks now that the Allics have secured the ascendancy in both.— Daily Press.)—London Opinion Cryptic Information—When you come across a piece of paper with queer drawings upon it you may be wrong in thinking you have found a map of some fortifications made by a German spy, as it will quite likely prove to be the plan for some patriot’s war garden.—Balti- more Star. Pacifist Propaganda Le Peratisstonnaine—Tiens, tiens! estoce que la grande offensive se ferait é Carriére? Austrian soldier Victoire (Paris). eave—Oh, 1 see! The great offensive is taking place in the rear.—La A Truthful Scot—A lawyer was ex- amining a Scottish farmer. ‘* You'll affirm that when this happened you were going home to a meal. Let us be quite certain on this point, because it is a very important one. Be good enough to tell me, sir, with as little prevarication as possible, what meal it was you were going home to.” “You would like to know what meal it ” said the Scotsman. Yes, sir; I should like to know,” replied the counsel, sternly and impr sively. “Be sure you tell the truth. “Well, then, it was just oatmeal.”— Rochester Times. The Ultimate. Consumer—* Started to handle whale meat yet?” “No; my store isn’t big enough.” What do you mean?” “My customers wouldn't buy unless I had a lot of whales for them to paw over.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Used to It—‘Docs your grocer at- tempt to explain high pri ” “He did at first. Now he merely shud- ders as he accepts the money, and I groan."\—Louisville Courier-Journal. Her Curiosity—Bessie went with her mother to the meat market the other **Mamma, does he butcher dolls?” — Boston Trauscript. The Impressionist Sandwich— “What did you put in this sandwich— gold-leaf?”” “The cheese.”” The thinness deceived me; that’s all.” Louisville Courier-Journal, color deceived you. That's No Hardship—*Foh de life 0’ me,” said Uncle Eben, “I can’t see no hardship in food regulations dat puts it up to folks to eat mostly corn bread an’ chicken.” — Washington Star They're All Like That—“Do you suffer from the climate?” “Yes. I know a man from California who refuses to talk about anything else.”” —Washington Star. Asking Too Much—Hewitt—Docs the climate agree with your wife? Jewett—That’s more than I'd expect of any climate.—Smart Set. comicbooks.com