Judge — April 27, 1918 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

When the Legislature ‘‘Sets” By Pavuxe Eccrestox Manpico UNT SUSAN MARIA confided toa A neighbor, Thankful Mindwell, a lady of uncertain years and more uncertain disposition, that she always had a hankering to go to Albany “while the legislature was a settin’,”, and as she might not have another chance, she was going to visit her son and wife in Albany right soon. “Of course, Uncle Hiram will have to go to help me, ’cause I’m so lame, and I'd rather have his help, ‘cause if he hurries me a mite too fast, I can give him fits, and there ain’t no one else would stand it,” said Aunt Susan Maria. The welfare of the cat was arranged for, and the care of the fires during their absence provided for, and the old couple departed, Aunt Susan Maria telling the neighbor she left in charge that if she tended to things right smart, she would like as not bring her a “souvenir” from Albany. After her arrival in Albany, Aunt Susan made known her desire to visit the legi lature to her daughter-in-law, who agreed to personally conduct the tour to a hear- ing the following morning. “You call this a hearin’?”” Aunt Susan “7 adies from Hell” By R. D. Pinkerton (The “P ing Seot™) This is war. Mr. Pinkerton was a member of the now famous London Scottish Regiment, which went into the fighting at the very beginning. “Ladies from Hell’ the rmans called the Scotchmen in kilts or skirts who came tearing through their lines. The Scots were in the thick of things from the Marne on. Mr. Pinkerton came to know war for what it The first draught of the entire book was done in the midst of the terrific contlict, and the book has captured the very atmosphere of the Western Front. The reader will re-live, with the author, in minutest detail, his months of training and fighting; the reader will become a comrade in arms of the captivating ‘Ladies from Hell.” _ This Scotchman is a poet at heart. s book flashes that trem- idness against the tremendous round. And at the end the reader will know more of what war is— its horrors and its splendors—than he ever knew before, unless he already has been at the heart of the greatest event of modern times. The book is a handsome illustrated octavo, published by The Century Co., New York City, and sold by all book- stores at $2.00. sputtered, once she was seated in the assembly chamber. “Law’s sake! You can’t hear yourself breathe to say nothin’ about anythin’ that’s bein’ said. Every one of these men is smokin’ like a ham barrel. When I get back tonight, I guess I’ll have to hang myself on the clothes line to get the tobacco smoke out! But come to think of it, the lines are on little wheels, and are so high up it would be considerable of a drop for me at my time of life.” During the hearing an interested spec- tator stood directly in the eye path of the old lady until she called out loudly, “Set down,” and he promptly obeyed, much to the amusement of the spectators, who were highly entertained by her subse- quent remark that “Some folks have about as much manners as my under- taker’s spotted dog.” Aunt Susan asked a man nearby what the hearing was all about. He said prohibition was the topic, and added “The drys are all on this side, and the wets on the other.” This evidently puzzled Aunt Susan Maria, who re- marked: “The wets look as dry as the others, far as I cansee.” “They’re wasting so much time talkin’ I don’t think they'll ever do anythin’,” she confided in a stage whisper to daugh- ter-in-law. Soon she announced the prohibition argument was too dry for her and asked to see the senate, She glanced carefully about the upper house and remarked: “Life’s full of disappointments.” Aunt Susan Maria found a comfortable chair and listened carefully during the rest of the session. Afterwards she gave her views. “I paid close attention so as to be able to tell the folks at home what it’s all about, but lack-o-mercy me I couldn’t find out. What com- forted me was that no one else seemed to know, either. They passed all sorts of bills about ta- tooed ladies, and shiftless men, and railways, and cities, and foods, and cats and dogs, and everything which the country got along all right without for years, and | couldn’t see no special need of, evennow. Buta kind gentleman near meexplained the laws couldn’t hurt the state a bit, because next year the legislature would unpass ‘em all and no harm would be done. That comforted me, but then I got to wondering why they have legislatures for anyway, if that is true. The only reason I know is that the world’s just full of unnecessary things, and still it gets along all right. There ain’t nothin’ can stop it.” One Notion Black—What do you think of matrimony? White—I think it is an example of the high cost of kissing! “No Man’s Land” By David Robinson i eee clever pictures in full colors jus asi ared on the cover of a recent issue of yuper: mounted on a heavy m. ie framing, makes an attract any man’s “Land. It will be mailed post free upon receipt of twenty-five cents, cash or stamps. Write Judge Art Print Department 225 Fifth Avenue New York City » TEX 14, ready decoration for Made on the Premises Prohibitionist (gleefully—The whole United States will soon be bone dry. Then what will you do? Old toper—Drink some grape juice, swallow a yeast-cake, and sit around till the gol durned stuff ferments. 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