Judge — April 27, 1918 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

hat will swallow durned April 27, 1918 From a Sinner’s Diary By Lyxerre Freesure BET I saw a fellow the other night who felt as much out of place as an onion at a honeymoon after he’d thought it over. At a dance, after a mixed-up set, the caller asked, “Got your pardners?” “T got a better one,” he answered. Wouldn’t it be funny, and amazing, and amusing if someone would own right up to you and act honest? Who'll practice it with me? You’ve got to know a lot to be a real success at playing the fool. He who made the berry made the snail hangin’ to it. I always saved so I could waste some- where else, same as everybody. When a sinner has to take his, it’s labelled punishment. The same dose served a saint is a test of grace. Don’t wail when it quits growing. Steam up and harvest what there is. People so pleasant Sundays aren’t always much good through the week. Fools are full of “copy” which the wise translate. I presume we antidote everybody else’s wishes same as they do ours. It’s likely Love will never monkey around me again. I know the hypocrite too well. But if he does I shall untangle myself from Duty and go tag right along. Same as I always have. I’m going to live a little as I go along, cither here or somewhere else, or start several riots. I’m not going to wait till I can’t walk to it, nor see it, nor hear it if I’m carried to it. If I call you a devil to your face it’s likely an endearment. If to your back, I dunno. We all need it. But if we had to wait till we deserved it, who'd have it? Wanto and Haveto don’t come hold- ing hands very often. If you'd do the best you could every minute, every second, the end would be something wondrous. Housework is to me what Joliet prison was to the old darky—I’d like to be so far from it that it would cost $9 to send me a postcard. If you don’t practice any taking com- fort till you’re 75, learning don’t seem to come easy. | | | Send a Box to your Soldier Boy Lemon Tabs Clove Tabs Anise Tabs Orange Tabs Butter Tabs Assorted Tabs Tablets Packed Right @ a@ Eighteen 5c packages At your druggist for 90c, or send us $1.00 and we will send it prepaid. The soldicr cannot drink water. It disagrees with him. The English have found sour hard candy a ‘‘Godsend.” 520 West 36th Street, New York City For twenty years **King of Caramel Mahers"’ More and more they'll remember only that. You eye me as if I’d cheat, and say, 1 will if I can. Seems so some folks I know must have money. I’ve paid it and lent it to ’em Sometimes I think it would be nicer for everybody to have a share than for me to have it all. Deal ’em something pleasant when it isn’t_ so much harder than unpleasant. ‘THIS amusing picture in full colors, 9x12, mounted on a heavy mat, ready for the frame, will be sent postpaid for twenty-five cents Judge Art Print Department 225 Fifth Avenue for years, yet I never heard anyone talk seen “em pay out a cent. hard to prove things against the man with the most money. Undecided ly make up my mind about “T can’t pre: admitted Mr. my baby, Rowdy Gap Johnson, of Rumpus Rid; morning he chopped off the cat’: hatchet and then stole my w stand-table and hid it so’s I hain’t found it yet. I don’t know whether to make a doctor or a lawyer out of the little cuss when he grows up.” New York City comicbooks.com