Judge — April 13, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lost Profit “And did yer get a bit o' meat, Mrs. Rya Sure, Mrs. Murphy, but it was a divil of a foight—and now I’ve had to put it on me black oye!"—Passing Show (London). | NOTABLES Made Him Homesick—The heroism of France has made the French language popular. On this head there is a story illustrating the tact of M. Jusserand, the French ambassador. A senator at a luncheon said to M. Jusserand: “Take—er—eska voo voo-ly—I mean —er—passy-moi sill voo play—er——” M. Jusserand laid and on the sena- tor’s shoulder and in his excellent English said: “My dear sir, my very dear sir, do, please, stop speaking French. Your ac- cent is so Parisian that, positively makes me homesick.”—Argonaut. A Solicitous Mother—Beaver White of the War Trade Board said in an after- dinner speech: i ists who talk of rsal peace and disarmament at this stage of the war are courting destruction for their country. sm may have been all right once. Today it reminds me of the mother who wrote to the schoolmaster who wanted to teach his pupils how to swim: “*Please do not teach my boy swim- ming, as I do not wish him to be drowned.’ "’—Washington Star. Maladroit—Lord Hardinge tells a gruesome and yet humorous story about an epitaph he once noticed in a cemetery in one of the hill stations in India. A British officer had been murdered there some years previously by his native servant, and the men of his company had subscribed for a memorial stone. On this they had caused to be recorded the man- ner in which the deceased had met his death, followed by the text, chosen under the circumstances with truly marvelous maladroitness: “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” —Tit-Bits, DOCTORS Scientific Service—A prominent phy- ician tells the following story to prove that some people call for medical aid on the slightest provocation, and go away satisfied with the simplest advice: ay, doc, I’ve got an awful pain in my itting in a draught?” I think I know how I got e “How?” * “T usually smoke while I work, and there is a cuspidor on the floor directly in front of me.” “T see.” “Well, day before yesterday the janitor put it back of me by mistake, and now I have to turn my head half way round every time I want to reach it.” “Ah! Hum! Let me see. I guess we can fix you up all right.” “How, doc?” “T'll just give you a prescription with directions how to have the cuspidor moved back again.”—Youngstown Tele- gram. Thus It Was—Thus It Is Heavy Cross.—Novy Satirikon (Petrograd). Russia's Lenine’s Kind Offices “Votre Noblesse est-elle satisfaite? “Peuh! Non seulement tu n’as pu me pro- curer ni France, ni Angleterre, mais pas meme toutes les Russie “Is your Highness satisfied?” “Pooh! You've failed to procure me cither France or England, and you haven't even all the Russias." —Le Rire (Paris). SOLDIERS | What Tommy Wanted—The mails from home had been received by a cer- tain regiment. One Tommy received a large box addressed to himself, and with a triumphant yell he rushed off to his company’s lines and gathered them around him to share the contents of the box. “Smokes, lad,” he cried, as he unfast- ened the wrapping. “From the old man, I know it, and there’s sure to be a bottle or two of Scotch.” He opened the box, gave one look and collapsed ina heap. “It’s from old Aunt Mary,” groaned the warrior. “ Bandages an’ ‘intment, an’ embrocation, an’ splints, an’ a beuk on ’ow to be your own surgin.”—Chicago Herald. A Fair Pessimist—* Do you go in for aviation?” he asked the beauty of the high-class girls’ school. 0; not foraviation. One goesin for sea bathing, but for aviation, one goes up.”—Tit-Bit. Prussianism in the Home—“ What excuse does this man give for deserting his wil “He says her conduct was Teutonic.” “Tn what respect?” “It seems she hit him with a poker after he had agreed to suspend hostili- ties.’”—Birmingham A ge-Herald. comichooks,