Judge — April 13, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ern ee WET and DRY Shifted Responsibility—A man who had been drinking too much liquor for his own good was induced to sign the pledge. His wife was delighted. She took the document and said: “You must let me have it. I will keep it for you.” So the paper was confided to her custody. On the next day the man was drinking again as freely as before. “How is this?” asked a friend. ‘You signed the pledge yesterday, and now you are drinking whisky again.” “It’s all right,” replied the pledge- signer in unsteady tones, “I don’t have to keep that pledge. My wife says she’ll keep it for me. That’s the kind of a wife to have, old fellow.” Argonaut. Misapplied Metaphor—Life is a cocktail, rejoiced the optimist. Yes; a cocktail with too much bitters, growled the pessimist.—Philadelphia Rec- ord. Query—‘“I thought the army was sup- posed to be dry?” “Tt is.” “Well, why do they continue those ‘setting up’ exercises I read about?”— Louisville Courier-Journal. The Telltale Inventory—A lawyer who recently came to Columbus on busi- ness from Cincinnati tells this story: Wilhelm—Zeg, Karl! Waar Working-Class Disturbances in Vienna kan ik dat méér gehoord hebben? A bailiff went out to levy on the contents of a house. The inventory began in the attic and ended in the cellar. When the dining room was reached the tally of fur- niture ran thus: “One dining room table, oak. “One set of chairs (6) oak. “One sideboard, oak. “Two bottles of whisky, full.” Then the word “full” was stricken out and replaced by “empty,” and the inven- tory went on in a hand that straggled and lurched diagonally across the page until it closed with: “One revolving door mat.”—Colum- bus (O.) Dispatch. | YOUNG THINGS | Getting Even—Girl shopper—Why did you make that poor salesman pull down all that stuff and then not buy any- thing? Second ditto—Why, the mean fellow was in a car yesterday and never offered me his seat, though I looked right at him, so I just decided I would get even.— Buffalo Courier. Otherwise Occupied—A imee—When Harold proposed to you did he get down on his knees? Hazel—I should say not. Aimee—Why didn’t he? Hazel —Well—er —probably because they were occupied at the time.—Jndian- apolis Star. William to the Emperor of Austria (seeing “ Necessity knows nolaw’” banner)—Say, Charles, where have I come across that phrase before? —De Amsterdammer (Amsterdam). Universal Suffrage in Holland Liberal en Klerikaal—Als je er maar om denkt, jonge man, dat wij colkomen orijwillig sijn meegegaan. Liberal and Clerical—We would have you know, young man, that we accompany you quite willingly.—Notenkraker (Amsterdam). Justified—Doctor—Your daughter, madame, is suffering from constitutional inertia. The girl—There, ma! And you've been saying I was simply lazy.—Boston Tran- script. Double Excitement—‘ Dorothy al- ways begins a novel in the middle.” “What's that for?” “Why, then she has two problems to be excited over—how the story will end, and how it will begin.—Houston Post. All. There—Agnes—Why don’t you learn to punctuat Edith—The i Why I put more commas and dashes in what I write than anyone else I know of.—Boston Tran- script. Truly Modest—He—Let’s see, what is the slang name for illicit liquor ped- dling? She (blushing)—Boot-limbing, I be- lievee—Farm Life. comichooks.