Judge — April 6, 1918 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Thumb-nail Essays By Bexjaaux De Cassenes The Thousand-Billion Brain SYCHOLOGISTS tell us that the capacity of the human brain today is no greater than it was five thousand years ago: that the brain of Buddha, Confucius and Plato equalled in power that of Darwin, Spencer and Emerson. But the brains of these ancient gentle- men were not compelled to think in hundreds of billions. They wrangled over the problem of Number like schoolboys. To our modern minds Number in the abstract has become something concrete— we talk, think and read about hundreds of billions of dollars with the same facility that Plato counted his ten marbles when a boy he thousand-billion-dollar brain — is here—babies juggle with those _ figures between cereals. Our brains have become distended like infinite space, and we have got the “countless stars” on the run. The ancients never conceived the po: bilities of the Great War and the marvel of the 1918 brain. The trillion-dollar brain is coming, and the brain- sharps will be compelled to revise some of their dogmas. Saving a Planet HE President of Mars looked through his powerful telescope as was his custom just after eating his vegetarian lunch. “Say,” he said, turning to his Director of Canals, “is it always the Fourth of July down there on that pesky Earth planet? There’s been nothing but fire- works for three years over there You know, we'll be asphy ated here on Mars if Dra en by J. R. Suaver Effie—I didn’t slap him, mother! I just gave him a tiny push and he started to howl. Gracious! you don’t sup- pose he’s a pacifist, do you. Drawn by Curs. HM. Fouwets With the aid of this electric outfit our returned soldiers will be able 10 sleep peacefully. something isn’t done? The smoke and fire’s been blow- ing this way for a year.” So that night the Director of Canals turned three canals loose in the direction of the “celebration.” and it is believed this saved the inhabitants of Mars from premature extinction. The Martian Laugh RCVAD, super-cinematographer and astronomer of Mars, ascended Mount Wyz, and pointed his tele- cinascope at the Earth, floundering around its orbit. Arevad was taking telecinamatic pictures of the Great War. But this particular morning his crank stopped sud- denly, and he let forth a laugh so loud—he stood ten fect and weighed 700 pounds—that the canals in the valleys rose and drowned three villages. The lens of his telecinascope, with its giant attachment, had fallen on the castle at Potsdam, he saw the Kaiser in his pajainas. Calendars HE principal use of a calendar is to keep us informed when the rent is due and whether a holiday falls on a week-day or a Sunday. To tell what day it is look at the date: to tell what date it is look at the day; if you know neither, ring up “Central.” Put away the torn-off month with five pay-dayss in it with your other treasures. Some of the war news we take with a grain of what- ever Mr. Hoover wants us to substitute for salt. He who refuses to plant may not be permitted to eat—Wall Stret Journal. Now is the time to renew your war garden—also your credit at your grocer’s.